


I Am

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-27
Updated: 2009-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-16 00:07:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 32,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8079169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Trip never returned from Enterprise's final mission but he didn't die, it takes a seven year coma for Archer and T'Pol to understand what they lost. Fluff, PWP





	1. I am Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or star trek enterprise. Heck, I don't even own my car.  


* * *

I knew it was bad by the look on his face. Archer could be stone faced at times but evidently this isnâ€™t one of them. I said I was sorry, he says weâ€™ll be on time. I smile at him. Captain Jonathan Archer, my best friend. Known him for twenty years and in that time I had so much time to know him, and yet right now. That look on his face. I canâ€™t help myself as I wink at him. Iâ€™m gonna die. Iâ€™m gonna die but thatâ€™s okay. There isnâ€™t one inch of this ship I havenâ€™t touched with my own two hands, and I feel like I should die on her. And of course, for the Captain, for Jonathan Archer, Iâ€™d die a hundred times over. I feel my chest tighten at the site of him and the thought this will be the last time I ever see him. 

I can see his face disappearing behind the shield that will push me into the decompression chamber, itâ€™s supposed to let me breathe a little easier. But as I hear the mechanical gears working and I see the blue lights shimmer and flash down the chamber, I know it isnâ€™t working. I am not breathing easier and Iâ€™m not gonna be okay. Then I feel it in the back of my head. Like someone opening an oven. Heat. Fear. Pain. Disbelief. Tâ€™Pol. She knew. I donâ€™t wanna leave her. Donâ€™t wanna leave Jon. But my life for the Captainâ€™s, thatâ€™s a good trade. A good trade. The painâ€™s not so bad anymore. The painâ€™s not gonna be here much longer. I welcome the blackness as it descends. I hear Phlox saying something, but Iâ€™m not listening anymore. I try, really try to feel that connection in the back of my head. Iâ€™ve never been able to reach out to her, especially after she seemed to shut that door and barricade it. But right now I just want to tell her goodbye. Just want to send her that this last time, I know what sheâ€™s like. Sheâ€™ll hate me for doing something that was so obviously illogical. I think I feel a piece of her again, just a feeling. I feel like Iâ€™m driving away and sheâ€™s running in the street behind me. But itâ€™s raining and the windows blurry and I canâ€™t see her. But I know sheâ€™s there. It gets darker. It feel s like rain. Wet, cold, dark. Rain. 

~oOo~

You know when you sleep, hard and like a log, dreamless and sound and you know youâ€™ve been asleep a long time when you get up, but you donâ€™t know how long. I feel like that. Darkness, and cold wetness blushed across my body. But it didnâ€™t really feel like I had my body anymore. I canâ€™t really remember ever enjoying the quiet before. Iâ€™ve always gravitated toward sound and toward the noisy places on Enterprise. But there is something more. I donâ€™t remember when it got here. There is white. A white light ahead. I always wondered if there would really be a white light. Wonder if Iâ€™ll meet my grandma. I walk quickly toward it, but I feel suddenly heavy. My limbs feel heavy and wet like Iâ€™m bogged down wearing lots of wool soaked to the bone. For a second I consider just giving up and staying right where I am, letting the numbness settle over me again. Then I hear it and my heart skips a beat. 

â€œTrip, please, just a little moreâ€ an angelic voice, thick with emotion I have never heard from her. Tâ€™Pol. If I didnâ€™t know better I would think she was begging, unashamed and pouring herself out to me. â€œPlease.â€ 

Oh no, this is far too interesting to just give up now. Am I dreaming? Am I going to heaven and Tâ€™Pol is already there? I donâ€™t know as I claw my way closer to the light and when I touch it I am rewarded with an explosion of sensation. I no longer feel like I am being crushed or pushed down. I feel light. Timeless somehow. Something is odd because I feel sensation again and I didnâ€™t really know I wasnâ€™t feelinâ€™ it till right now. I feel my lungs fill with air and my body no longer aches. I look up and there she is. Tâ€™Pol. Her hair is long, slightly past her shoulders and lighter in color. She looks almost the same otherwise, although she isnâ€™t in her uniform. Sheâ€™s in a long white dress and it is strange to see her that way. She looks innocent. Sweet. Human. 

She smiles at me. â€œI am still Vulcanâ€ She says, her voice still slightly crackling with emotion. 

â€œDonâ€™t sound like it.â€ I tell her. A smirk plays on my lips as she steps forward. She wraps her arms around me, her grip tight and I feel a little lost. I must be dreaming, but I find myself concerned none-the-less as I wrap my arms around her slim frame in return. Her head barely comes to my chest and yet she feels like a perfect fit against me. â€œHey, whatâ€™s this all about.â€ My voice is careful and gentle, I canâ€™t help feeling like Iâ€™m holding a scared little girl impersonating the strong woman I once knew. 

I can feel her small hands practically clutching at me and Iâ€™m starting to worry. â€œTâ€™Pol?â€ and then I feel it. In a rush. I feel her pain, the loss. She is standing with the Captain. They are in my quarters on Enterprise. Sheâ€™s packing a suitcase filled with my stuff. They are talking but itâ€™s whirling by so fast. And he hands her my Frankenstein figurine. Love that little guy. I feel her laugh in my arms, and I feel her struggle. Her emotions boiling and rolling with powerful waves of strong feelings I didnâ€™t always know she had. The power of it pushed through me, everything from guilt to pain, to hate, to anger and it is all emanating from inside me, and yet I know it is the Tâ€™Pol Iâ€™m seeing, the same and yet different from the one in my arms. 

So Iâ€™m dead, sheâ€™s dead and sheâ€™s showing me thisâ€¦I donâ€™t understand. 

â€œPhlox never gave up.â€ She whispered, and then I saw myself. Laying on a biobed, hooked up to machines that let me breath that fed me. Iâ€™m laying there and I can feel Tâ€™Polâ€™s horror and heartbreak. But she canâ€™t let me go. Then I see her, next to my bed, back ram rod straight, her hair just as I remembered it, just starting to show around her face. Just starting to relax around the humans she had grown to love. And I could feel it. Her love. For me. For humanity. 

Then I could feel her fear. It exploded in her chest but her body didnâ€™t change itâ€™s position as she watched them wheel me away. They are taking me somewhere and her heart lurches at the sight of the doctor covered in surgical garments. 

Then I see them, hugging. Archers arms are wraped around Tâ€™Pol, her arms around him as well but I can feel her radiating discomfort, her remaining hurt. He looks so good in his dress uniform, his body wound and nervous. She thinks of me for a moment. She misses me, hates knowing Iâ€™m stuck in a bed with no brain activity and Iâ€™ll never wake up. They canâ€™t even visit me because I never made it home. Denobula has a better chance of helping me and they made sure I went there, they were almost late because of me, again. I feel her hurt as she accepts Archerâ€™s touch. And yet it makes her uncomfortable. I watch him go to make his speech. He made it. The alliance was formed. 

Then there is another rush that I recognize as we move through time. Archer is being promoted. They make him an admiral and I can see the grey in him has grown, his hair a little more peppered with the light color, but it looks good on him. Distingushed. I see him sitting behind a desk and frankly I think he looks a little antsy there. I feel Tâ€™Polâ€™s concern, because he is tired and he is lonely, he has never replaced me and it makes me a little sad to know that he never finds a friend, a best friend. Heâ€™s lonely. But maybe I spoke to soon. 

Now Iâ€™m somewhere else, Iâ€™m looking at a blank wall but when I turn around I see something Iâ€™m suddenly surprised to see. I donâ€™t know this place. But I certainly know Archer, Iâ€™d recognize him anywhere, and he is playing one hell of a round on tonsle hockey with a certain pointy eared Vulcan. I would feel a flare of jealousy but before I do I feel her. She misses me. He misses me. 

â€œIâ€™m not himâ€ Archer says in his deep passion filled voice, and yet. There is pain there. So much pain there. I wish I could hold my friend and yet a part of me feels like perhaps this was a long time ago. 

She tilts her head back, and on her face are the remains of tears. I feel her hurt. I feel her desperation for his comfort, for him. She loves him. I feel it. She loves him like she used to love me. Respects him, and yet I feel her torn heart. Because if she had to make the choice. She could never choose between him or me. She wished I wasnâ€™t laying helplessly on another planet. Wished I wasnâ€™t dead by all definition of the word, and yet she couldnâ€™t imagine the heartbreak the other way either. Standing with me sheâ€™d be missing the Captain and she knows it. â€œIâ€™m not him eitherâ€ She whispers. I watch them kiss, a little entranced really. Iâ€™m in a coma I guess, but hell Iâ€™m not dead, that is hot. I feel her chuckle against my chest, the Tâ€™Pol with long hair snickers at me and pulls me away from the scene of them kissing.

â€œAww man, it was just gettinâ€™ goodâ€ I tell her, because I canâ€™t help smirking at her. 

She doesnâ€™t blush and it forces her to think of them some more and I feel the time rush by and I come to recognize this room as their bedroom. They are in bed together, in the throws of passion and itâ€™s the only time she feels whole. Sheâ€™s letting herself go, and I remember the feeling of her, loving her and I suddenly miss her. Time shifts quickly and they are together, naked and beautiful, sweaty and tangled together. I can feel that sheâ€™s happy, and then I notice they are piled on one side of the bed. They sleep like they are missing someone, physically missing someone. I feel something odd inside her and I really donâ€™t know what it means. 

My heart jerks into my throat and my stomach flips over. Time rushes past and there is Archer bent by my bedside. God is that me? Iâ€™m old. 

â€œSeven years.â€ She whispers. â€œYouâ€™ve been asleep for seven years.â€ 

I feel time pulling past me and there is Tâ€™Pol standing on a beach, Florida. The rush of bliss at being home is all me, and there is a similar rush of bitter sweetness from the woman in my arms. She stood there wishing I had been the one to take her there. Itâ€™s the beach in the keys where I taught Jon how to dive. She smiles and sits in the sand watching Archer in the surf throwing a Frisbee. She doesnâ€™t really even remember what it is called at the time. I love to see she smiles more easily, the ache in her heart a little more healed, but there is a hole that she will not fill, refuses to. There is a piece she has given to me and I can see it plain as day. I watch the dog, at first I think it might be the cheese loving pup I once knew, but no. Itâ€™s a puppy that canâ€™t possibly be Porthos, but a small beagle that warms my heart none-the-less. 

We move. Her and Archer are standing on a grave.   
It isnâ€™t my grave, but my heart shatters a little as I see it. Itâ€™s the Tucker family plot alright. Mom and Dad. I watch Archer place flowers by both headstones. He does it for me. I know it, and Iâ€™m thankful. 

My heart is heavy as I realize how much Iâ€™ve missed. I canâ€™t help but wonder what else has happened and it falls on me in a rush Hoshi standing in a long white dress as she marries, three children. Reed is promoted and given a ship of his own where is stands tall and proud in his uniform in front of the Captainâ€™s chair, cool under pressure and far more optimistic in a crisis then back on shuttlepod one. Phlox returns to Denobula, not completely because of me, but I am his focus now, he never gives up. Travis meets his wife in a shuttlepod accident. The clumsy pilot runs right into her, literally. I flashes through my friends. Happy. Living now. 

â€œSeven years?â€ I hear myself ask. â€œThatâ€™s a long timeâ€¦â€ I feel her pulling away, and find a little panic seeping into my conscience. â€œWhat changed?â€ 

I feel the darkness coming again. â€œWaitâ€¦Tâ€™Pol, donâ€™t goâ€ I can feel her smile and she stops for a moment, Iâ€™m on the edge of her white light, almost falling into the darkness 

â€œFollow meâ€ She asked, and I can feel her hope. She wants me to wake up. She thinks I can. I never thought to try before, never really knew I could before. Then again until she came I never knew I was asleep. But suddenly I want to. I want to be awake. I want to see Jon, I want to hold her with fingers that I know I still have. I step forward and I feel like there is a little wall of molasses. She takes an equal small step back and I follow. It is getting harder and harder. Each step feels like a mile. 

I feel my knees hit something solid and I didnâ€™t know Iâ€™d fallen. My brain is swimming and I realize I canâ€™t go any further. She steps back toward me. Her face is beautiful. I wish I could hold her. I wrap my arms around her and remember how she once felt, but it has the quality of a dream, of a memory from so long ago thatâ€™s covered with a layer of dust and I wish it were real again. 

â€œStay here.â€ She whispered, touching my hair with a few tender fingers. â€œI have to go, but I promise I will return shortly.â€ I feel myself nod, even though staying here kinda burns. She turns and she goes. Before she came I was in darkness, black and whole and all consuming without a sense of time. Now I feel as if I am soaking in grey quicksand. I know that I am alive. I know that there is a world out there still, my world, My Jon, My Tâ€™Pol. 

It feels like forever, wading through the grey. After a while I forget which direction is forward but I havnâ€™t moved so I just push more in the directions my toes are pointing. I go forward, inching with my toes toward a goal that seems to no longer be there. I want to wake up. I do. And yet I suddenly feel so sleepy. I donâ€™t want to fall asleep anymore. I donâ€™t want oblivion. I want to hold Tâ€™Pol. I want see my best friend the way I remember him, easy and happy with a beer watching water polo. I want to wake up. My mind flashes to that memory, of their first kiss. It sears through me with the memory of her emotions. Torn and rocky on the surface. I remember her looking at Archer. His normally bright eyes dulled with pain and hate for the world around him. Bitterness destroying him from the inside out. 

My dull grey world feels like it is getting smaller and smaller and this time, when she appears again she is all white like an angel, yet this time she isnâ€™t far away. She isnâ€™t miles and miles away. Sheâ€™s only a few feet and that is good, very good. I can hardly move and my mind is aching. But I want to wake up. I want to wake up because now I know I can and my life is passing me by. I canâ€™t just let it go like this. She looks at me with a little shock in her expression. Iâ€™m closer to her and she walks toward me quickly bending down. 

I feel a little light headed with her close to me, especially now that fighting to wake up has made me dizzy. I realize that I want to kiss her. Then I see her with Archer again. With my best friend. They are both naked and their bodies are magnificent, sculpted and tone, twined together. I find myself remembering most strongly the image of her hand over his heart, his hand on top of herâ€™s. Itâ€™s sweet and suddenly I realize that she is his now and I canâ€™t kiss her. I see her about to say something, about to move and just as suddenly I cut her off. 

â€œIs this a dream?â€ I hear myself ask but I canâ€™t help it now that sheâ€™s here. She is real, her mind is here. Sharp and honed, pouring with excitement and joy. 

She reaches down and offers me her hand this time, and I reach up to take it. I feel her mind flood mine again. I see her curled on a bed crying. I see her cooking and she looses some control, in a sudden explosion of rage, grief and pain she grabs the hot cast iron skillet and slams the cooking tool into the deltaniam counter top, shattering the stone and mutilating the hot pan. I see her in Archerâ€™s office. Heâ€™s younger again, close to the time I last saw him. He offers her a drink, the drink together. They donâ€™t smile and they donâ€™t laugh.

I feel a slow tug and then I see them in a strange hospital room. Tâ€™Pol sat next to me on the bed, her hand on the side of my face, elegant fingers poised to access my mind. Then there is a flurry of activity and I see Archer rush into the room. His face is flushed and heâ€™s in his uniform a bag slung over his shoulder. He drops the load quickly and walks toward the other side of my bed. He takes my hand and suddenly I feel it. Really feel it. Warmth, tightness. In my right hand. Tâ€™Pol is showing me what is happening right now. Archer is here. Right here. His heart is racing in her Vulcan ears and she gives a little smile. Then she spoke and for the first time I heard it, with my ears not my mind. 

â€œHe can feel your handâ€ Faint and soft with a hint of shivering in it, but from inside her mind I could tell she was excited, shivering with anticipation. 

I took another step forward and the world around me changed again, into Tâ€™Polâ€™s mind. They were drunk. Smashed really, laying on the floor of a hotel room. He knew from the forlorn feeling that they had just visited him. I see Tâ€™Pol eyes closed as she tries to connect and there had been no result, and now they drowned out their misery together, soaked in alcohol on the Denoblian rug. â€œWhat would you do?â€ She asked, her voice slightly slurring from the dirnk, â€œif he woke up, right now.â€

Archerâ€™s voice was croked and sore as he let out a quick hoot of a laugh and rolled over, swiping the liquor from the womanâ€™s hand. â€œIâ€™d grab him and hang on. Iâ€™d never let go.â€ Suddenly I know it is important to come back, and yet Iâ€™m not sure if she meant to show me this or not. 

I feel the hand again as the memory fades from what Tâ€™Pol showed me. I feel lonely. Heart breakingly lonely and I know the emotion is mine and mine alone. I feel Tâ€™Polâ€™s sadness over it but I push that aside and push everything I have into pushing her back. Pushing her to where she came in. Pushing into the white light. If I stand there, I will wake up, wonâ€™t I? 

She doesnâ€™t answer and I sense she doesnâ€™t really know. At the same time as I push forward and pour everything I have into squeezeing Jonâ€™s hand back. I know heâ€™s afraid and excited. But at leaste Tâ€™Pol knew for sure I am here and fightinâ€™ to get back. When I hit the sweet spot I realize I am sore. Sore and tired all over but my hand moves and the white of Tâ€™Pol disappears. 

â€œCan you open your eyes?â€ She asks me, her fingers slightly damp brush my forhead and run through my hair. I feel akward and uncomfortable. I canâ€™t really breath right. Something is doing it for me. When I open my eyes the room is flooded with light. Bright overwhelming light and I grip Jonâ€™s hand tighter, but my muscles donâ€™t want to get tighter. 

â€œTrip?â€ Archer says, close to my ear and I can feel his warmth and then his hand in my hair. I force my eyes open despite the sting, I want to see him. I feel like it was yesterday that I saw his face with a big red welt disappearing behind the chamber doors, and yet here he was, a little greyer in the temples, hair a little longer but still close cut, and the lines around his eyes were just a bit deeper. But that smile. The one that broke over his face when I looked at him was priceless. 

I wish I could talk, I try and this thing down my throat is obnoxious and ridiculous. There are tears in Jonâ€™s eyes, and I canâ€™t imagine that itâ€™s been seven years for him. Seven years waiting for me to wake up. I lift my arm toward his face but the limb is clumsy and not very willing to respond. My hand flops up a few inches and back down. He somehow seems to understand and brings the hand to his face. I mean to brush his lips with my thumb in a very debonair fashion but my fingers havnâ€™t moved in seven years and they just twitch awkwardly along his cheek gathering some of the moisture there. Suddenly I am so glad that I am not dead I donâ€™t care about the tube or the soreness or the other tube, shoved god knows where, I am suddenly very aware of. 

I am tired. Waking up is hard business. I let my eyelids fall and I feel Jon tense. I want to tell him I have no intention of leaving him but all I can to is open my eyes and hope he sees I am attempting a smile of reassurance, but even I can feel my facial muscles have no ability to make the expression, especially around the tube. 

Then a voice I remember well. Doctor Phlox. â€œAlright now Admiral, Tâ€™Pol, I think if wouldnâ€™t mind returning to the waiting room we can divest Mr. Tucker of some of his more, annoying medical equipment and perhaps allow him some time to breathe on his own.â€ 

â€œOf courseâ€ Tâ€™Pol replied. Same old Tâ€™Pol, quick with a response and always sure of it. Archer was reluctant to let go of my hand, the older manâ€™s sentiment hitting my heart like a hammer. His hand trailed down the blanket over my body as he walked, a lingering touch that seemed familiar for him. I wonder how many times he did that while I was asleep how many times my eyes didnâ€™t follow his hand. At the end he gave me foot a squeeze and I forced my toes to try and curl. They barely twitched. I can see his smile and what looks like even tears in his eyes when he feels the motion.

Archer turns his worried green hazel eyes to the doctor. â€œHow is he doing?â€

Phlox looked up at the Admiral with his sharp blue eyes and a merry smile. â€œIâ€™ll let you know as soon as I complete my evaluation, now scoot.â€ 

I love the look of the older man taking orders and scolding like a five year old. I watch him as he tenses and shuffles out. I forgot for a moment about the lack of response in my legs, at least my arms had moved a little. But Phlox is still examining me. He can fix it, I tell myself. Heâ€™ll do an excellent job. He always does. 

Smiling he leans over me and puts his hands on the tubing there. He explains what it is and asks me to breathe out when he removes it. I hesitate at the hiss of air and my lungs feel like they are being sucked out of me so I quickly comply blowing with whatever is left inside me. I cough and try to sit up but I donâ€™t seem to be able to get my abs to comply. â€œCalm down, take deep breaths now, everything is going to be alright.â€ The doctor left a comforting hand on my shoulder and as I breathed I wondered if he even changed at all. 

I listened, or tried to as he began to remove small sticky nodes from all around my body, examining them slowly as well as my skin. â€œWell Mr. Tucker, welcome back. There are some things you probably need to know, and I think you should attempt to believe me, I assume you will think me attempting a jest.â€ He moved a chair slowly to the side of the bed and sat down, this conversation might be one of some length. He tells me all the terrible things I would never want to know about when I was asleep. Almost seven years worth of injuries, surgeries, recoveries, complications, attempted treatments and failures. Evidently a mixture of hibernation drugs and electrical neural theropy will have kept my muscles from becoming completely useless but physical theory will still be required. At the moment I canâ€™t believe Iâ€™m alive. 

I felt my chest as he tells me my lung is a transplant, but more than thatâ€¦itâ€™s a mechanical one. I take a deep breath under my own power and attempted to feel the difference, but honestly, there was little. I felt like the air I breathed out might taste metallic but that also could be my imagination, it didnâ€™t seem to be there before now. â€œI donâ€™t know why we were unable to completely revive you from the coma. I donâ€™t know what went wrongâ€ I could see the guilt in the doctors carefully schooled face. â€œHowever extensive testing and analysis brought us to a close solution and Tâ€™Pol was able to reach you with a mind meld. Her assistance has been most valuable.â€ 

I looked at him a little shocked. How long had she been there? How long had she been trying. I opened my mouth and made like I was going to talk but for a moment my muscle memory failed me and although I knew how to speak my mouth had just forgotten the appropriate way to go about it. It took be a moment but I finally slurred something out. â€œow ong?â€ 

Phlox smiled very wide, pleased. â€œNine and a half days she has been attempting to reach you due to an increase in brain activity.â€ He changed the subject quickly, knowing this information must be difficult to take in. â€œYour talking is actually quite good. Iâ€™ve given you some medications that should help your body functions return to normal quicker still, but that can only add assistance to your physical therapy. You wonâ€™t be capable of fine motor control until you proceed in relearning it all.â€ The older man smiled that big smile, knowing that in seven years of lying still didnâ€™t change me a wink. â€œPlease Mr. Tucker. At least attempt to have some patience.â€ 

I watched him test me, just a few simple things to see the progress of my motor control upon waking and I watched my body fail and fail again. Itâ€™s like honkinâ€™ at a car that wonâ€™t move at a green light. Even when I lean on the horn nothing moves, only twitches. 

When that was done he told me more. He shared what seemed like seven years of ranging things that had changed me. Some of the experiments had permanent effects. Any dreams of being a deep sea diver was out, as well as a commercial flight attendant. â€œMassive changes in pressure, such as those of change altitude will only be possible in a controlled manner. Shuttlepods will be fine.â€ He answered my unasked question. Itâ€™s odd that after so long I was concerned about getting back into space. Old habits I guess. 

In the end when he clicked off the light in the room and commanded me to get some sleep I tensed. What if I went to sleep and didnâ€™t wake up. He smiled at me and I knew he had just known my worry. â€œYouâ€™ll be fine Mr. Tucker.â€ He looked at me then, like he was really looking at me, something far more intense then I was used to. His seven year journey of trying to wake me up was finally over. â€œItâ€™s good to have you back.â€

When I closed my eyes I felt myself become dead to the world and part of me really hoped I would wake up again. Please let me wake up again. 

***

Iâ€™m not the most patient individual, never have been, but somehow Archer makes it easier to wait. He spends the day next to me, prattling on about our friends and their lives. I wonder if this is how Porthos feels. Not being able to talk back. He is telling me the best stories though. One was of Malcom and Travis getting drunk off their asses at one of Archerâ€™s birthday parties and ending up on the floor with birthday hats everywhere. Of Hoshi standing up to the one of the other admirals and demanding to be listened to, later confessing she was scared out of her mind. He avoided my parents death. He avoided telling me about him and Tâ€™Pol, I donâ€™t think he knows I know. He tells me very a little about himself the first few days. 

I canâ€™t really talk at first, and itâ€™s hard to eat. I canâ€™t really get the stuff up to an in my mouth without it endinâ€™ up all over me. I think Itâ€™s a little ridiculous that Admiral Archer feeds me, but I guess after so many years he wonâ€™t look at me any differently and Iâ€™m glad about it. I hate that my heart picks up the pace and I canâ€™t forget the site of him kissing Tâ€™Pol, his hands on her. When he is so close to me Iâ€™m struck with the uncomfortable desire to kiss him, to know what he tastes like. At least I canâ€™t really talk even if I want to and it really does help me keep my big mouth shut. Eventually I have to depend on my self control to keep stupid things from spillinâ€™ outta me, and like always it isnâ€™t all that effective. 

Thanks to Phlox the medication and muscle stimulants, eventually the physical therapy is showing signs of working and I feel like I have more control. I take every opportunity to move and keep moving. My hands are starting to work better, but my legs still donâ€™t take much weight. I refuse to take that as an answer though. I donâ€™t care how much it hurts. Honestly I kinda like the pain, reminding me Iâ€™m alive. Jon told me that Tâ€™Pol was called back to duty, he seems to have more vacation time racked up and part of me wonders if he is ever took time off before now. I think I know the answer to that one. 

He looked so nervous standing there in his civilian clothes, a button up shirt and soft tan slacks, and I realize Iâ€™m not used to seeing him without his uniform on, despite knowing him for so long I miss the site of him like this. For a moment I remember him from twenty years ago, laughing and drinking at a bar with me. I find myself missing him, despite the fact I havenâ€™t remembered the last seven years they seem to be painfully evident to me in the here and now. He fidgets as he speaks. â€œDoc says your doing great, if you want â€ his pause was far too hard for me to wait through, but somehow I bite my tongue and I let him finish. â€œIf you want heâ€™s given you clearance to leave the hospital, come in weekly for physical therapy, but he thinks that maybe a relaxed environment might help you get better a little â€¦faster.â€ 

I know Iâ€™m smiling at 1000 watts when the gesture spreads over my face and I canâ€™t help it, heâ€™s adorable when heâ€™s nervous. â€œYou had me at leavinâ€™ the hospital.â€ 

They made me take a wheelchair, which is fine with me, I didnâ€™t really think I want Jon to see that I canâ€™t walk or stand that well yet anyways. He takes me to a small house, and Iâ€™m a little surprised it isnâ€™t a hotel, but then I should have guessed there would be something a little more permanent. They have been visiting for quite some time now. 

â€œThe house is from Starfleet, weâ€™re on the embassy property.â€ Jon explained as he pulled a small bag from the back of the car. I watch him move and I know that this is a house he visits often. I remember Tâ€™Polâ€™s mind, this house was in it, her heart broken every time she visited. I refuse to just sit, my arms are better then my legs, but it is still a struggle to get them to push me forward. I ignore the burning in my muscles and am determined to get through the door myself. 

There is a small sparsely furnished living room, a couch, table and with a small empty white kitchen, There is a small dinning room table, with four chairs and a short hallway leading to a bathroom and two bedrooms. I roll myself down the length and stop at the juncture between the two open doors. One room has a small cot and a desk and I recognize a tattered old leather thing on the back of the chair as Jonâ€™s jacket. Heâ€™d surely never get rid of that thing. The other room looked familiar, and I can feel myself flush at the memory from Tâ€™Polâ€™s mind, her hair a little shorter then it is now, tangled with strong fingers in it, Jonâ€™s fingers as they kiss and he swallows her sweet little noises. They are naked and sweaty twined together and moving with a frantic pace, golden thighs spread wide over Jonâ€™s lap. I push the memory away, Iâ€™ll surely pull it out later, but the memories are laced with what the gorgeous Vulcan felt at the time and there was no blocking the waves of ecstasy from that particular memory. 

Jonâ€™s voice come from behind me, clear and gentle. â€œYouâ€™ll be more comfortable in hereâ€ He takes control of the chair and helps me into the larger bedroom. The modestly furnished room the bed is unusually well covered and I smile at the uncurling memory of her packing up the sheets and blanket every time he left, giving him a smell of home, of her. 

I feel his arms, gentle and careful as he wraps them around me and I feel his hesitation to touch me. Heâ€™s so afraid Iâ€™ll break, I wrap an arm around his neck and let him lift me up and into the bed. It is so much more comfortable than I thought it would be, but I guess I really donâ€™t know since I had been in the same spot for seven years and those biobeds arenâ€™t the most padded items Iâ€™ve ever been on. Itâ€™s hard to wrap my mind around and I know I must have been a little spaced out because I hear concern in Jonâ€™s voice when he calls my name. I try to give him a smile to reassure him, but he doesnâ€™t move. 

Heâ€™s looking at me, just looking at me with those silver green eyes, just begging me for something, but Iâ€™m not sure what. Heâ€™s so shocked Iâ€™m awake that he canâ€™t believe it. He just looks at me, and I feel the need to touch him. I can give him a smile and I can give him a touch. My hand finds his shoulder and I squeeze it tightly. â€œIâ€™m really here Capâ€™inâ€ 

He cracks a smile, I must have guess right because he nods knowing that he has been caught and moves to stand. â€œIâ€™m not your Captain anymore Tripâ€ 

â€œOld habits die hard.â€ I say with a shrug, sliding across the sheets and letting myself sink into the warmth there. He smiles and turns to go, and at the moment my heart speeds up. â€œWhere are you goin?â€ I ask, feeling a little panic that he is leaving. I know itâ€™s irrational and almost childish but I really donâ€™t feel like being alone right now. 

â€œI was just going to let you rest.â€ Archer said with a little tilt of his head, almost gentlemanly. 

I shrug, I am tried, and I should rest, but I donâ€™t want him to know that because I want to convince him to stay. â€œI got a lot of games to catch up on you know. Why donâ€™t you grab a beer and a game and join me?â€ I pat the bed next to me and I donâ€™t miss the flicker of a blush curling up on his face. 

He smiles and nods. â€œIâ€™ll get that set up for you, why donâ€™t you just lay back and take a break, youâ€™ve had a big day.â€ 

I give a laugh, and close my eyes. I am exhausted but my body betrays what my memory thinks I can do. â€œYeah, big day, Shutting down a warp reactor overload, battling for the survival of the human race, saving innocent livesâ€¦doesnâ€™t hold a candle to getting discharged from the hospital.â€

I hear Jonâ€™s light chuckle as he flicks off the light and walks out. I struggle to stay awake. I want to be awake, and yet the world is pulling down on me again. I guess my lie is caught anyway, he did turn off the light after all.

***

Iâ€™ve always slept like a log, sound and deep, but and this time, the world of sleep crashes around me like a house made of glass. I wake up with my heart pounding as I hear Jonâ€™s voice and feel his hands tight on my shoulders, shaking me. â€œCapâ€™in?â€ I hear myself ask, but my voice is a little crackled. I open my eyes as he releases me, I see the fear flicker across his features and for a minute I wonder whatâ€™s wrong, what happened and if the ship is in danger. Then I realize this isnâ€™t Enterprise, and the only thing that could be wrong is me. â€œWhat time is it?â€ I ask, groggy still as I rub my face and try and pull myself up with the petty excuse for abs that I have managed to build up. 

He shifts a little uncomfortable, worry still etched in his features and it makes him look older. Or maybe it shows his age. â€œYou were asleep for 18 hours, I brought you something to eat, but I couldnâ€™t wake you up. I..â€ 

I know what he thought. I know why he woke me up so suddenly. I offer him a little smile and roll toward him, instead of acknowledging it and calling him on his fears I look over at the tray. Catfish. My smile gets bigger. â€œThanksâ€™ Capâ€™in Iâ€™m starving.â€

â€œTripâ€ He sighs, and I look up at him, realizing I called him by the rank he no longer holds, again. 

â€œSorry sir,â€ I say with a little duck of my head. â€œCalled you that longer than I called you Jon.â€ 

He smiles wide this time, a sparkle in his eyes as he seems to remember something pleasant. â€œLets see if we canâ€™t get you used to my name again then shall we?â€ 

I laugh a little as I sit up and look ahead at the new modest vid screen above the dresser where there wasnâ€™t one before I smile wide and peek at my friend. â€œThat what I think it is?â€ 

He smiles and without a word helps me sit up, handing me the tray of food and talking at the same time â€œComputer. Resume playback.â€ 

I get comfortable, the hot smell of catfish wafting toward me smells like the real thing. I canâ€™t wait to taste it and I find myself smiling as the screen flickers to life and shows a water polo tournament just starting, of course Jon skipped all the fluff and got it right on to the action. This feels , almost normal really. I am pretty close to shoveling the food into my mouth and itâ€™s hot, but itâ€™s good. â€œThisâ€¦is fantasticâ€ I mutter with my mouth open, sparing a glance at Archer. Heâ€™s looking at me. Not at the game but at me. 

I take a big swallow and let my plate settle in my lap. â€œYou know, you act like Iâ€™ve grown a second head.â€ 

Jon smiles. He shakes his head and readjusts himself. â€œ I guess I canâ€™t believe you woke up. Itâ€™s really good to have you back Trip.â€ There is that look again. Staring, hard and long, and it almost feels like he is trying to split me apart and read my mind. 

I can see he is a little embarrassed by the redness creeping in his cheeks. I am overwhelmed by the urge to touch him. To show him Iâ€™m here and Iâ€™m awake and Iâ€™m alive. I reach out and put my arm around his shoulder, I pull him in to me for an awkwardly positioned hug. His body slides closer, leaning against me and his hand slides over my chest. Heâ€™s feeling my heart beat and I know he can feel it speed up. His breath is warm on my neck. I have to admit it feels good, to have someone close to me, holding me, touching me. Heâ€™s gentle and it is nice. I donâ€™t ever remember our water polo watching being this intimate, but I donâ€™t care. I kinda like it. I move a little and get more comfortable, I donâ€™t let him go I just hold him there and toss another bite of potato into my mouth with my free hand. 

I feel him chuckle against me but I know he canâ€™t see the screen, and it seems like he doesnâ€™t care. Heâ€™s just there. Next to me, with me, and thatâ€™s the way I like it. I finish my food and watch the game, but somewhere through it I feel tired, and fall asleep curled up against my warm companion. I donâ€™t know I fell asleep until I wake up to the humor filled voice of Jonathan Archer. â€œEwwâ€¦Trip. Your drolling on me.â€ 

I pull my head up and look down at his shirt, where a lovely little pool of droll spreads over the fabric. I drag myself up with a lopsided smile. â€œI guess your just droll worthy sir.â€ 

He laughs at that, but I guess he doesnâ€™t know Iâ€™m serious. I know that Jon doesnâ€™t realize it, but I am not blind enough not to notice how attractive the older man is. He always has been and he still is. I try and push off that thought, the idea that I find him attractive isnâ€™t disgusting to me, or odd at all really, itâ€™s just useless to think of it, as useless as thinking of Tâ€™Pol. Maybe I ask because Iâ€™m still half asleep, maybe I ask because he doesnâ€™t believe how attractive he is, either way the words fall out of my mouth and I canâ€™t stop them, but I never really tried to keep anything from him before so why would I start now anyways. â€œSo when you gonna tell me â€˜bout you and Tâ€™Pol?â€ 

I feel him stiffen next to me and I find myself smirking. â€œWhat? You didnâ€™t think my powers of perception were that sharp?â€ I can hear the mirth in my own tone, but I want to hear what he has to say so I try and shut up. 

â€œIâ€¦â€ He starts and then stops. He doesnâ€™t know what to say. Is he ashamed of her? Sheâ€™s beautiful and sheâ€™s smart and sheâ€™s more passionate then anyone would guess. Heâ€™d be damned stupid to not be shouting his pride from the rooftops, especially since they been together for years. 

â€œHey, whatâ€™s the deal, you didnâ€™t have problems telling me about girls beforeâ€¦â€ I ask him, a little more awake as I stretch out in the bed letting the hospital issue shirt ride up my tummy. I look over at him, he is tense and nervous. No longer relaxed at all. 

â€œNothingâ€¦I justâ€¦How did you figure it out?â€ He seems so shocked I canâ€™t lie to him, hell I never really lied to Jon anyways.

â€œTâ€™Pol was in my head remember. Sheâ€™s showed me a share ofâ€¦interesting memories.â€ I find myself smirking and the light in my eyes must give it all away because he is bright red and his eyes are wide. â€œWhatâ€™s wrong Jon, gettinâ€™ shy on me now?â€

â€œI justâ€¦I didnâ€™t want to hurt you, thought Iâ€™d give you some time to get used to being awake again beforeâ€¦â€ Archer was distinctly uncomfortable and I felt my heart go out to him. 

â€œJon, we were over years before I blew up that hallwayâ€¦â€ I tell him, my heart a little tight at the truth in those words. I never wanted us to be over. But Tâ€™Pol made it clear that we were. She locked her mind away from me years before and seemed determined never to open that door again. I literally had to be in a coma for seven years for her to go in there again. 

He looked at me then, with those stone hard eyes, â€œWe both know you still loved her. She broke your heart and you stayed friends but that woman crushed you and left you on the floor for a long time and you never got over it.â€ I can feel the sting in those words, not that he wanted to hurt me. I knew it was the truth. I turn to the side table and hide my face in the glass of water. It did hurt. She married someone else. She kept turning me down. She pushed me away and yet through that I needed her. I needed her so bad like an ache in my heart and I know that I need it again. My heart is so empty and I donâ€™t wanna be alone. But she belongs to Archer now. Jonathan Archer and Tâ€™Pol. They were together and they were happy and I had no right to mess that up. 

â€œShe is happy with you.â€ I hear myself say before I really think to speak, and I know itâ€™s true. God I know it and it suddenly hurts a little. I felt it when she made love to him. Felt it when she packed these sheets for him. Suddenly I have to stand cause these sheets arenâ€™t for me and they make me warm â€˜cause they smell like her. I push myself out of the bed and ignore the fact I stumble a little bit. â€œI never made her as happy as she is with you-â€ I almost call him Captain again. â€œJon.â€ I grab my empty glass and make like Iâ€™m gonna refill it. I honestly donâ€™t know if I can make it down the hall to the little kitchen. Iâ€™m should still be a bit groggy, but I feel wide awake now. â€œThatâ€™s all I ever wanted for her, or for you.â€ I look at him cause I canâ€™t help it. â€œPlease tell me your happy with her.â€ 

He looks at me, almost heartbroken. I donâ€™t know what I said to make him so sad, but I almost wish I could take it back. â€œTripâ€¦â€

â€œNo.â€ I say, cutting him off. â€œShe is yours, you know weâ€™d never work out anyways.â€ I stop looking at him cause Iâ€™m worried heâ€™ll see right through me. â€œIâ€™m all human and emotion on a stick and a short fuse. Sheâ€™s Vulcan.â€ I shrug it off like we both donâ€™t know how passionate she is, how human and expressive she has become in so many years with humans, with us. â€œIâ€™ll always have a bond with her, butâ€¦you two are gonna be happy together and I ainâ€™t gonna mess with that.â€ I turn to walk out, feeling uncomfortable and pinched in the chest, I want to get out of here. I wish I could really run right now, that might even feel good. Iâ€™m such a coward.

â€œTrip.â€ I hear my name and heâ€™s right behind me, he can move so much faster. I feel like heâ€™s gonna say something. Gonna say something big, but he doesnâ€™t. He just looks at me with those sweet little hurt eyes and I want tell him itâ€™s okay. So I do. 

â€œItâ€™s okay Jon. Really. Itâ€™s been years since we were together. She is all yours. Iâ€™m not mad. Really.â€ I know Iâ€™m not mad. Iâ€™m just a little sad. Not just over Tâ€™Pol. Over him. I realize it like a ton of bricks crashing over me. Jon never had a girl he couldnâ€™t talk to me about. He was holding back from me over her. That didnâ€™t make me angry. It made me sad. His love for her, meant more to him than me. It shouldnâ€™t hurt. Of course eventually a girl will come first. Yet. That pain in my chest doesnâ€™t listen to my head and it never did. 

I leave him there, not knowing what to say. I feel like Iâ€™ve pushed him away but I told him what he needed to hear, what he wanted to hear. Didnâ€™t I?

~oOo~

I feel dirty, I need a shower. Now this is where it gets a little complicated. In the hospital there was a sweet little nurse that gave me a sponge bath but somehow I canâ€™t bring myself to ask Admiral Archer to wash me. Friends for twenty years and I canâ€™t possibly ask him to rub me down with a sponge, maybe somewhere in the back of my head I know Iâ€™ll enjoy it just a little too much. So for the last few days Iâ€™ve said nothing, and now I think we both know I smell. Iâ€™ve been fine standing up several times before for a while even and I ignore the nagging bit in the back of my brain and wait till Jon is off somewhere else. I must know itâ€™s not a good idea if I donâ€™t tell him. I must know itâ€™s stupid if I do it behind his back. But just like me I ignore the feeling, ignore what I know and pull myself out of bed. On the way to the bathroom I strip myself slowly of the hospital garments and shed them onto the floor. 

Man, Iâ€™m skinny, and Iâ€™m old. I look in the mirror and run my fingers through my hair, the color slightly darker, with grey just coming in to my side burns. My once perfectly sculpted chest and arms feel flabby with weakness even though the look relatively tone still. Phlox told me muscle doesnâ€™t die and the chemicals he gave me for so long prevent atrophy when combined with electrical muscle stimulation. I tense my muscles and see the product of the last few weeks of physical theory. That helps my confidence, but it takes me several tries to remember how to use my muscles the right way. Maybe Iâ€™m just being hard on myself. I rub my legs and I feel the tenderness in the muscles. I consider sitting down but I didnâ€™t strip naked just to sit around, I want a shower. 

I step under the spray and take a long deep breath. The water is warm and heavenly, no itâ€™s hot, bordering on burning as it runs down my body. I close my eyes and feel myself wobble a little. But it feels good. I realize that I canâ€™t get up to rubbing myself with soap, but this is so enough. I press my arms against the wall and feel it boil into my muscles. But my head is a little dizzy. Damn. I didnâ€™t realize it was too hot till it was too late. I was dizzy, I was weak and then I was falling. My hands shot out and smacked into the unyielding tile and I hear the clatter of bottles of soap on the shower floor. My hand gropes for the shelf and I barely stay up. I try to turn the water colder but it is too late and I know Iâ€™m going down. 

â€œHoly shit Trip!â€ I hear just as two strong warm arms wrap around my chest. They lift me up holding my weight easily and I struggle to breath and ease my spinning head. â€œWhat the hell where you thinking?â€ He demands. 

â€œI was dirtyâ€¦â€ I tell him, opening my eyes and looking at him through the wash of water. Oh god he is hot. He has all his clothes on and they cling to him like a second skin. I can see his chest, muscled and carefully well maintained, his arms tight around me, and pulled tighter with the strain of lifting me although I canâ€™t be that heavy anymore. I can feel his wet slacks against my legs, sinking against the straining leg muscles and I suddenly imagine them wrapped around me, for the love of god what am I thinking ? I was breathing hard and I realized that now, not only was I weak, I was starting to get hard. Shit. Excellent. Justâ€¦.excellent. 

Iâ€™m worried now with him pressed against me that he knows precisely what I am thinking. I feel like I need to stand on my own and I struggle to do just that, but heâ€™s insistent as he takes my weight and pulls me out from under the hot spray. Cool air shocks my skin and makes me jump. Archer must have left the door open in his haste to catch me. Not that I mind, better than being in a jumbled heap of broken bones and tangled limbs on the floor. 

He pins me up against the counter, half keeping me upright, half keeping me still as I try and push him away, but Iâ€™m not being stubborn or mean or anything of the like. I am just trying to keep him from noticing the effect his touch has on my body. I donâ€™t want to have to explain this because I donâ€™t think I can. Then his hands are on me again, all tenderness and care as he strokes me through a soft cotton of a towel. He feels my little shiver and quickens his pace. He doesnâ€™t seem to know that the shiver is from him. I donâ€™t know why Iâ€™m thinking about him this way. I donâ€™t know why I suddenly want him. 

It isnâ€™t like in the last twenty years Iâ€™d never considered it. Loving a man has never been off the table, you love who you love and I never had any expectations on who that would be. The subject of intimacy was something although I only knew the theory I was perfectly willing to experiment with. I had thought about Jon before. Dreamed of him sometimes. Sometimes just faceless fantasies that were too similar to his perfect body to deny. But after the difficulties with Tâ€™Pol, I really put a lot of effort into making sure that any on board romances where stifled before they started. Yet suddenly, as Archer keeps reminding me, I realize he is no longer my captain, and man oh man he is warm. His chest pressed against mine, body weight holding me up as his hips pin me to the counter. Any moment heâ€™ll move and heâ€™ll feel how hard Iâ€™m getting. Why not? He is beautiful and I suddenly realize Iâ€™ve been asleep for seven long years and I want to feel awake again. I want to feel alive again. I want to be on fire, consumed by it and bathed in it and with the memory of Tâ€™Pol and her burning passion fresh in my mind, before I can stop myself; Iâ€™m kissing him. 

Wet hungry lips on wet hungry lips, heâ€™s soft but somehow in a different way than I am used to and heâ€™s a little shocked. I take advantage of his hesitation to plunder the slightly open orifice. His tongue is warm and yielding in his mouth, teeth smooth and wet. Heâ€™s warm to the touch even under the cooling wet clothing and when he starts to move I could swear heâ€™s on fire. I know that Iâ€™m still physically weak but there is no question as to what makes me dizzy when he devours my mouth. Tongue pushing into me, hands on my hair. His thumb strokes my cheek and his lips pull my lower one into his mouth. He sucks it and slides his teeth along the prone flesh a little, which makes me want to moan, so I do. I shift my hips and press my naked hard flesh into the slickly coated thigh and I can feel him more then I hear him. The rumble, low in his chest a sound that is suddenly heavenly to me and I want to make him sound like that again. I donâ€™t care anymore about anything but making the beautiful man in front of me moan. He wasnâ€™t my captain anymore. He was a man. A man Iâ€™d dreamed about. A man Iâ€™d fantasized about. A man Iâ€™d seen naked a hundred times and yet never failed to take my breath away. 

Naked. Naked, God he needs to be naked. I yank at the wet buttoned mess covering his delicious flesh and I struggle. I want to taste him and touch him. I break the kiss, lips slightly numb from the constant pressure and gasp for air as I focus on the peeling of the fabric away from heavenly flesh. I can taste him in my mouth, his stunned shock mixed in with something salty and deep. Heâ€™s definitely not a woman and I realize suddenly I think I like that difference. â€œStopâ€ He whispers. I donâ€™t listen because I donâ€™t want to. I ignore him and keep pulling, sure that the word I heard was wrong. I kiss him again, trying to make him swallow that word. He kisses me back a second time, but the fire is buried under a wet blanket and his hands are on my wrists stopping me effectively. I donâ€™t have anywhere near the muscles strength to wrestle what I want out of him and I curse that stupid ass coma, not for the first time. â€œStopâ€ He repeats, a soft whisper against my lips as he pulls me into his arms, cold clothes slightly burning against my heated skin. 

I close my eyes tight. God this is embarrassing. I want to run but I canâ€™t. Heâ€™s still pinning me to the counter and my erection is still pressed up against him. Iâ€™m still hard, and I as I sit there struggling to breathe and staring down at Jonâ€™s chest I realize what I just did. I just kissed him, and it was the hottest kiss Iâ€™ve ever had and he stopped me. My stomach sinks with a sickening feeling and that urge to run has never been stronger. What do I do now? Apologize for something Iâ€™m really not sorry for? I take a few deep breaths, trying really hard to will away the hardness between my legs. I try and shift to pull away from him but he is holding me oddly tight. 

â€œYour shakingâ€¦â€ He whispers, a statement not a question as he wraps the towel around my waist, I donâ€™t look up at him and I donâ€™t want to see his face. I guess Iâ€™m shivering, and I focus on the cold of the room, rather than the heat of Jonathan Archer and that helps. It also helps that Iâ€™m pressed against the towel now and not his heated body. I soften a little, but itâ€™s difficult when heâ€™s still holding me. â€œYour tiredâ€¦â€ He continues, and I feel my heart skip at his words. â€œWhen your feeling betterâ€¦â€ 

â€œI feel fine.â€ I blurt it out like a petulant five year old child. I look up at him and see his look of warmth. Please donâ€™t let me be imaging this. I lean forward and kiss him again. Soft and slow this time. I can taste him again, warm and wet and willing as he let me in. His lips play on mine, tender and gentle. He takes a small step back, not enough to pull away from the kiss as I attempt to follow him, but enough to illustrate his point as the moment my legs take on too much weight I begin to crumple. 

Our kiss is broken when I fall away, drooping a foot down his chest, but he knows itâ€™s going to happen and he catches me again. His hard warm arms around me. â€œWhen your better.â€ He repeats and I spare a glance up at him. Heâ€™s looking at me with such a strange smile. I thought I knew all his smiles. Then I am reminded that he isnâ€™t mine, heâ€™s Tâ€™Polâ€™s. Just as much as I canâ€™t have her because she belongs to my best friend. He belongs to her. Shit. Despite his words I know heâ€™s not mine. Not really. Maybe heâ€™s considering giving me a pity fuck. I feel like I might just take one. God, I just did the stupidest thing inâ€¦well at least seven years, and I want to do it again. I feel like I am seventeen and blush at the thought of taking care of my problem by my self when Jon is in the other room, I know Iâ€™d be thinking of peeling off those wet clothes and- shit gotta get back into the conversation Tucker! â€œItâ€™s just too much steam.â€ I tell him, dismissing my weakness. 

â€œItâ€™s too much, too fast Trip.â€ Jon says softly scolding. I can hear in his voice he knows Iâ€™m right. The steam made me light headed and I fell. Iâ€™d been doing a lot of walking today. I should have been able to do it. â€œYou should try a bath first, maybe laterâ€ He says as he wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me back onto my feet. 

I struggle to steady myself and with the fresh air from the bedroom it is working. Iâ€™m becoming stable again. I also feel like Iâ€™m becoming more sober. No longer drunk on the feel of Jon I am completely embarrassed. I canâ€™t even look at him. â€œI think Iâ€™ll take a napâ€ I tell him, and accept a little help as I struggle back toward the bed. I plan on sleeping until the cows come home. I miss the blackness now. God damn I am an idiot. I saw him, felt him, with Tâ€™Pol. He doesnâ€™t want me. He never wanted me. I tell myself I didnâ€™t want him either. I was just horny and I was naked and he was there andâ€¦and I know itâ€™s a lie. I try not to think about the truth though. I try to just breath as I crawl under the sheets. They are warm, and that is good. I close my eyes. I want to sleep. I want to just pass out and wake up tomorrow and pretend to forget. Forget what Jon said. Forget how Jon tastes. Forget. 

~OoO~

I wake up naked and slightly chill despite the blanket. Oh. Cause I kicked the blanket off. I sit up groggy and blink hard in the soft light. Something woke me up. I wonder what it was and glance up. Jonathan Archer is staring at me. Heâ€™s got a tray of food and he must have knocked or just come in, I donâ€™t know. I guess that woke me up. Now that I am up however, I wonder how long heâ€™s been there. Staring at my completely naked body as it was strewn across the bed. I grab the blanket and pull it over my waist with a flush. I glance up at him and he is blushing, but heâ€™s still staring at the place my body is, hiding under the covers. I canâ€™t tell what that look is. I wish I could read him like a book. I never interacted with him quite like this. I want that look to be that blush he gives a girl he likes. The one right before he asks her to danceâ€¦drinkâ€¦or come home with him. Iâ€™m pretty sure itâ€™s more like the one where he is damn embarrassed to walk in on a naked man sleeping, one who had just tried and miserably failed to seduce him. 

Seduce him? Did I really try and get in his bed? The extremely horny seventeen year old in me says hell yes. But the logical part of me that is here in the bedroom blushing at his stare pushes the 17 year old aside and sits up with a slow stretch of my muscles. â€œWhat ya got there?â€ I ask, my accent thick from sleep. The sound of my voice seems to startle him into moving, and I suddenly wonder how long he was there. Was it really just a second? I kinda wish it wasnâ€™t. I kinda wish he wanted to look at me as badly as I want to look at him. I remember kissing him with a flush of heat and then I remember him telling me to stop. Itâ€™s like a bucket of ice water spilling over my heart. He pushed me away, told me to stop. God I wanted him. I still want him. Itâ€™s ridiculous. I push down the feeling and pull the blankets a little tighter around me as I sit up leaning against the headboard a little straighter. He hands me the tray in a now familiar gesture. 

â€œJust a little breakfast. I..think we need to talk.â€ He paused with an awkwardness that reminds me how much I messed up. I donâ€™t look up, I just start picking at the fluffy eggs.

â€œWe donâ€™t need to talk Jon. I owe you an apology. I was just beinâ€™ stupid. Iâ€™ve been asleep for seven years, itâ€™s just a bodily needs thing. Donâ€™t worry about it. It was nothingâ€ There is a long pause and I feel him squirm a little bit. 

â€œTripâ€¦pleaseâ€¦â€ He starts but I canâ€™t take his guilt and his talking. I need to be alone. I need him to leave me alone. I knew the Archer from seven years ago so well. I knew every word and every phrase and everything he did and now, I feel like I donâ€™t know this man at all. Heâ€™s not the same, cause people change in seven years. Heâ€™s not the man I was so close with, and Iâ€™m a stupid fool to try and pull a stunt like I did in the bathroom. 

I interrupt him, my voice bordering on cold. â€œDonâ€™t, no need to apologize. You stopped me from makin a fool outta myself, I should be thanking you.â€

There is a long silence. One that isnâ€™t comfortable for me. I donâ€™t know what heâ€™s thinking and I donâ€™t want to look up at him. I feel so completely confused, and yet the one thing I remember is the feeling of Tâ€™Pol kissing Jon. Loving him and the wave of love coming off of him. They were in love. They were together. Are together. I canâ€™t mess with that. Not in a million years. So I donâ€™t look at him when he talks, â€œI need to go onto the base for a little while this morningâ€¦you gonna be okay by yourself.â€

Iâ€™m not a child. I give a soft snide form of a laugh and repress the urge to make a shower joke, itâ€™s a little too soon, yet I never held back from Jon before. â€œIâ€™ll be fine Capâ€™inâ€ 

He hesitates but nods and walks out. He didnâ€™t bother to correct my use of his former rank. I have a sickening feeling that he doesnâ€™t like it. That maybeâ€¦I hurt him. 

~OoO~

Itâ€™s feels like an eternity, alone in this house by myself when I hear the door open. I almost bound out of bed, but try and calm myself down. I wipe my palms on the clean sweat pants and the shirt that I barrowed from Archerâ€™s closet and I know he wonâ€™t mind. Iâ€™m hoping we can watch a game, veg around maybe even share a beer tonight. I want to be his friend again. I want to make us whole again. I want to make this right. Maybe we could go back to the way it was and we could just ignore the fact I was ever so crazy. Yet Iâ€™m not sure I really can though. I think I love him. I know I love him, and I know at leaste seven years ago he loved me as a brother. Maybe I can hide the â€˜I wanna fuck your brains outâ€™ love somewhere in the â€˜your such a good friendâ€™ locker and we can make this work. But do I wanna make it work like that? Yeah. I decided a long time ago having Archer for everything but that one thing, was better than not having him at all. 

Yet when I turn the corner my heart skips a beat. Itâ€™s not Jon. There stands Tâ€™Pol. For the first time since I was barely conscience, she is standing in front of me and in a rush I remember her in my head, holding me in her arms showing me her love for Jon. She had misses me. She had loved me. Now she loves Jon. I let myself crack an easy smile at her, wanting to ease the tension in her shoulders. I may have been able to read her subtle gestures seven years ago, but right now she smiles. No really, her lips pull up in the corners and her eyes shine and I can â€¦feel the joy in her spilling over into my head from a bond still newly refreshed. 

I try hard to push it down. I donâ€™t need her excitement confusing me, yet in an instant she has closed the distance and sheâ€™s kissing me. Her lips hot and passionate and so insistent. I donâ€™t really want to push her away. I donâ€™t want to say no and I try no to kiss her because sheâ€™s not mine. 

â€œ Not yours?â€ She asks, voice soft and confused as she pulls away her eyes piercing and deep. â€œOf course Iâ€™m yours.â€ I canâ€™t help it that those words make me hard. I know what she means and I know what she wants and for godâ€™s sake I want to give it to her. I want to bend her over and take her right here right now. And as her grin spreads I know sheâ€™s lurking around in my head listening to my lewd thoughts. 

â€œNo Tâ€™Polâ€¦.Your Jonâ€™sâ€ I can hear the little pang of hurt in my own voice and I wish I wasnâ€™t so easy to read. I just need to make myself less readable. I push my thought down and away, concentrating on something different something white and calm and neutral. 

She looked up at me a little shocked. â€œYour trying to hide from me?â€ Her face looks a little hurt and I want to hug her hard, but somewhere I know better, I pull away from her slowly and give her a little smile. 

â€œYou pulled me up from nothinâ€™, and Jon has taken great care of me and for that I can never repay you. But thisâ€¦â€ He gestured between them. â€œYou ended this a long time ago and your Jonâ€™s now, you live with him, sleep with him. God damn it Tâ€™Polâ€¦you love him your bonded to him far stronger than you ever were with me. Youâ€™ll be far better off without me bitinâ€™ your head off all the time but more importantly. Jon is my best friend and would never sleep with his wife. If given the choice again I would jump in front of a phaser blast a hundred times over for that man. My feelinâ€™s are all mixed up but I know one thing for sure and that is I donâ€™t belong gettingâ€™ in the way of you two.â€ I feel a little dejected but I keep my voice resolute as I turn. I wonâ€™t lie that I am shocked to see Jonathan Archer there. 

I didnâ€™t hear him come in, I didnâ€™t hear him there at all and I wonder how long he heard our conversation, I wonder if he saw her so close to me, worse if he saw the kiss. Jon always had been the jealous type. The possessive type. I wonder if he thinks I did something that I did not do. I can feel the panic rise in my chest and I work to squish it down. He has an odd smile on his face as he walks closer to me and I recognize it a little. Amusement. â€œShe isnâ€™t actually my wife.â€ I feel a blush creep into my cheeks. I guess he heard plenty. â€œAnd you are still a stupid stubborn son of a bitchâ€ He finishes by closing the distance between the two of us and pulling me tight against him. He has a few inches on me and then of course there is my surprise. I donâ€™t stand a chance at refusing him when his mouth moves down against mine. 

My mind is swimming a little bit. Jon is kissing me. His hand are strong and spread in my hair, his lips delicate but firm against me as he explores my mouth slowly. I want to pull back and I know I shouldnâ€™t be doing this, but it feels good and Iâ€™ve never really been one to listen to my conscience all the time. Heâ€™s soft and heâ€™s warm and heâ€™s sweet. The air from him seems to be all I can breathe and I want him so suddenly I feel my stomach clench and my blood respond by heading south. Itâ€™s different then the kiss I forced on him. Itâ€™s different and itâ€™s amazingly hot. He lightly pulls back his lips still open and his breath still whispering over my lips when he stops only inches away. I canâ€™t open my eyes because if I do I donâ€™t know what will happen. 

I just want to hold on to the feeling inside me, his hands in my hair, on me. I keep my eyes closed as I hear him speak, voice gentle and soothing despite his words. â€œYou never could pay attention. Even when it was important.â€

I hear Tâ€™Pol with an edge of humor is her voice as she stepped up behind me, her hands soft as she places them on my shoulder blades. â€œEspecially when it is important.â€ Her breath was suddenly on the back of my neck as she breathed, the soft sound of her throaty voice sending a shiver down my spine. â€œWe did not wait seven years for you to wake up in order to let you simply walk away and leave us all over again.â€ 

Us. We. Shit. I canâ€™t help my heart pounding in my chest at those words and I certainly canâ€™t help my hopes are starting to climb up the walls like vines. â€œI donâ€™t think I undserstandâ€ My eyes are still closed as I feel one of Jonâ€™s hands come up to tilt my chin toward him. I feel compelled to take a peek. His smile is soft, his eyes intense and shinning at me, god Heâ€™s beautiful. I feel Tâ€™Pol chuckle behind me and his eyes dart to her over my shoulder. He smiles, as if she spoke, but I didnâ€™t hear her. 

â€œBeautiful?â€ he asks, voice gravely against my neck as he leans down close to my ear. I feel my face flush hot and I realize that with Tâ€™Polâ€™s touch she can read my stronger thoughts, but her communication with Archer seems much more vivid and voluntary. â€œI really thought Iâ€™d get something more like dashing,â€ his lips made the briefest whips of contact and I know he is teasing me. â€œor sexy, maybe even handsome.â€ Then his lips are against my skin and his wet soft tongue make me hyper aware of the pulsing in my veins. 

Holy shit. Holy shit. I feel a little bit of panic rise up in my chest. It hits me like a ton of bricks as the world seems to change a little around me. I hear Tâ€™Polâ€™s voice calm and cool but comforting at the same time. â€œJonathan,â€ Her hand moves from my shoulder blade to his hand, stilling the older manâ€™s limbs in their decent on my side. I feel a little thankful for a moment to think and breath and wonder if perhaps Tâ€™Pol was asking him to have patience with me. I try for just a second to think clearly. Jonathan Archer, my best friend is right in front of my face, waiting for me. Isnâ€™t this what I wanted yesterday? Isnâ€™t this what I wanted in the bathroom? Isnâ€™t this what I thought I couldnâ€™t have? Heâ€™s solid under his uniform, chest tightly pressed against me and I feel myself having difficulty breathing. But I can have it. Tâ€™Pol is right behind me, her body warmly pressing into me, itâ€™s soft and delicate. I feel Jon pull away a little, giving me space enough to breath and yet his arms stay around me. Is this real?

â€œYesâ€ Comes her voice, gentle and soft. Sheâ€™s calm. Waiting. She understands for me it hasnâ€™t been seven years. I havnâ€™t been waiting for them for that long. Yet I have havnâ€™t I? She turns me in Jonâ€™s arms, but he doesnâ€™t let go. He doesnâ€™t back away. He holds me close letting me know heâ€™s still there as her fingers grace my face in a gentle touch. I have a rush of feeling in my heart as I realize what is really happening. How long did I love her? How long did she not let me near her enough to love her the way I wanted to? I lean down and claim her lips with the slight fever. On enterprise I knew I love her, but I also knew I couldnâ€™t have her, because of her stubbornness, her fear and her inhibitions. Yet like night and day she was standing here, ready for me to love her. Ready to love me back? â€œYesâ€ She repeats, breaking the kiss for a moment to let out the word she knows I need to hear and yet I know she may not know my precise thoughts she can feel the doubt coming off of me in waves. 

Jon. His hands moving slowly over my his, his thin lips touching the back of my neck as I bend down to kiss the woman in front of me I feel him heated against my back. Jon. On Enterprise I knew I loved him. Knew I would spend the rest of my life with him, but not until recently did I know I wanted himâ€¦so completely. Evidently he had time to realize it far sooner than I did. Seven years asleep will do that to you. My heart is still pounding but I feel less like I am panicking and more like I am being kissed into oblivion. Her lips are full and soft and her mouth is responsive under me. My hands bury into her long hair and I feel myself spin a little. Holy shit I canâ€™t believe this is real. I break the kiss and take a deep breath. My senses are overloading as his hand slips up from my waist under my shirt and across my abs. â€œHoly Hannahâ€¦some one pinch meâ€¦â€ 

â€œGladlyâ€ Archer replies as he reaches down and pinches my ass, hard. It makes me jump but also brings a smile and a laugh to my face. Tâ€™Pol on the other hand lets out a slow blink and her eyebrows raise and knit together slightly asking me with the most demur seriousness â€œWho is Hannah?â€ Is that jealousy I hear in her voice? I must admit I am surprised at their reactions and the familiarity in it reminds me these are the people I know, and in my heart I know just what I want. 

My mind is made up, and as I always do when my mind is made up I dive right in. My hands frame the slender womanâ€™s face and I claim her plump lips as mine. She tastes like cinnamon and honey and although Jon is still warm against my back, she is hot. Burning and desperately hot as I feel her in the back of my mind inching in. Passion, heat and another sensation, soft and curling, slipped into me and reaffirming my confidence. I feel a sudden desperation to touch her, hold her, be inside her and then I remember quite strongly that there   
is another set of lips I would like to devour. 

I break our kiss and turn, slamming my lips hard against Jon. His skin is warm and wet but not as burning as Tâ€™Polâ€™s and the sudden touch seems to give him the permission he was waiting for. Jonâ€™s body moves closer, pushing me backward and my hands move under his dress uniform pushing off the jacket quickly and efficiently. I want him naked. Now. I feel Tâ€™Pol move aside and somehow I donâ€™t know we are moving until I feel the bed bump against the back of my knees. â€œAre you sure your feeling up for this?â€ He asks, mouth breaking away in a violent struggle for air. 

I feel myself groan, the blood filling my lower body and my pants are straining with the hardness of my cock. I blink hard and I look up at him with a lopsided smile. â€œCome on Capâ€™inâ€¦you ainâ€™t gonna leave me like this?â€ 

He smiles at me and it warms my heart. He pulls off his shirt and discards it in an easy motion, my eyes are caught by his chest. Heâ€™s just the same as I remember, sculpted with tight muscles and a light dusting of hair across his skin, the color now slightly peppered with silvery strands. He smiles at me and I donâ€™t hesitate to leer at him openly. My hands touch him slowly, carefully tracing his muscles, God he was beautiful, and I feel like my breath is stuck somewhere in my throat. I lean forward and kiss his collar bone, tongue tracing the path slowly exploring him. I want to touch him all of him and Iâ€™m absorbed by the thought of him coming. I want to see him in the throws of ecstasy. I can remember what he looked like in the memory Tâ€™Pol shared with me, but Iâ€™m selfish. I want to hear him scream my name. 

I feel two small hands, soft and careful coming around my waist from the bed and I donâ€™t suppress the groan that slips past my lips. Her hands are hot and soft   
exploring my sides and stomach and I feel her hands slides down the V of muscle that leads from my stomach to tighter places. Her hands are so hot as they sink below the surface of my sweat pants and I gasp as she wraps those hot hands around my straining flesh. â€œGod damn Tâ€™Polâ€ I rasp out, my voice harsh with heady lust as I breath out and struggle to breathe back in. She gives me a stroke and sheâ€™s driving me crazy and I think she knows it. I feel another set of hands come up and pull off my shirt and I open my eyes again. I really wish that there was more time, I want to take it slow, learn every inch of them, but Iâ€™m almost worried that Iâ€™m going to come already. 

At that thought the womanâ€™s hot hand moved away and pulled my pants slowly down, peeling them off my skin and dropping them to the floor. Iâ€™m naked in the cool air of the room and now it is Jonâ€™s turn to stare at me with lust flaming in his eyes. His muscles tense in obvious display of restraint as he takes a few deep breathes. His pants are straining and I am struck with the sight of his uniform pants stretching under the pressure of his arousal underneath. I reach out with one hand and yank at the top button letting it come apart with a pop. I glance up at his eyes as I unzip him and take a step forward to press against him and push down what is left of his clothing. I feel Tâ€™Pol slid in behind me. Her hands are on my back again and her body is pushing flush against me. This is almost too much for me when I feel Jonâ€™s hardness come into contact with my abs, pushing against me and I close my eyes as claims my lips again, slower and deeper, tongue delving into my mouth and pushing deeper, exploring me and making my blood boil. 

He breaks the kiss with me and I feel myself being pulled around. The smaller woman looks up at me with bright brown eyes and kisses me. I am a little shocked at the ferocity in which she claims my mouth, the same passion that she had years ago burns and simmers just below the surface. I am lost in her then, her body already shred of itâ€™s clothing she presses up against me and I wrap myself around her. This is so much. This is too much. Her body slides up against me and his behind me and I suddenly feel so overwhelmed I am almost light headed. Then I realize I am light headed. Jonâ€™s arms are under me quickly and Tâ€™Pol has a grip on me as well her unusual and alien strength suddenly very useful. They lower me gently to the bed and I struggle to breathe. Shit Shit Shit. This is not happening. 

I push down the panic in my gut and force air into my lungs. I feel better laying down and when I open my eyes I find Tâ€™Pol looking at me with quiet eyes, and Archerâ€™s concern shinning through strongly. Shit. Iâ€™m such a wuss. â€œIâ€™m sorryâ€ I gasp out feeling a bit better now, and really not wanting to stop, but part of me knew they wouldnâ€™t let it happen now. I cover my face, flushed with embarrassment â€œItâ€™s just too much, too fast.â€ 

Jon laid a careful hand on my chest waiting for my breath to calm down. He looked guilty suddenly and closed his eyes, pushing down the arousal and I know then the fun is over. What might be my only chance to have a tumble with the two hottest people I have ever known, hell my first threesome and I wrecked it by being weak and sick. Damn it all. â€œItâ€™s alrightâ€ He tells me, stroking slowly at the muscles there and making me groan. â€œI hate to say I told you so, but in fact, I told you just so yesterday.â€

Tâ€™Pol â€˜s hand joined his. â€œHe never was a patient man.â€ She whispered stroking my chest softly. â€œHe does still seem to be having trouble maintaining proper breathing.â€ 

Iâ€™m still hard as a rock. Iâ€™m still naked. Jonâ€™s still naked. Tâ€™Polâ€™s still naked. Donâ€™t forget the fact they are touchinâ€™ me. I close my eyes taking deep breaths and then those soft hands moved lower. â€œWhen your betterâ€ She told me, waiting until I was calmer before her hands stroked my stomach. The sensation of two hands was damn nice. Jon warm trailing across my chest in a firm pattern, Tâ€™Polâ€™s flesh hot as it stroked across my stomach delicate and tender. 

â€œYou two are killinâ€™ me hereâ€ I groan, and donâ€™t attempt to even move. I feel so worn out at the moment. Like my damn body is betraying me. 

â€œJust relaxâ€ Jon whispers, â€œWe have all the time in the worldâ€ he slides up and pulls me close to him, fitting my naked body next to his, warm and gentle and it feels nice. I donâ€™t remember ever having fourplay and cuddling without the sex in between but at the moment I donâ€™t dare complain. â€œAre you well enough for this?â€ 

I groan softly. â€œSeriously Capâ€™in, I canâ€™t turn back nowâ€¦â€I say lightly as I try one last time to convince him to make love to me. 

â€œI sure can if you keep calling me thatâ€ Although by the snicker in his voice I can tell he kinda likes it. So I apologize by brushing my lips over his collar bone. He is warm and his hands are gentle as he strokes my sides careful and slow. My tongue dances with his flesh, the luxurious warm touch sinking into me bone deep and delicious. Iâ€™m not feeling light headed anymore, Iâ€™m feeling him and he feels amazing. He reaches up and grabs my hips fingers digging in with the burn of restrained passion, and yet he pulls my groin down to meet his. Heâ€™s hard and his skin against mine fills me with sensation I feel my body shivering under his touch as he holds me against him, our kiss still slow and delicate. 

Before I know it there is another set of hands and lips touching me softly. I break the kiss with Jon and pull back a little, reaching out to wrap my arm around the woman so close behind me. I bring her flush against the back of my body but that doesnâ€™t seem to be enough for her. She pushes me flat on my back and straddles me in a graceful and sensual motion. My lips are wrapped up on her full ones. She kisses me far sweeter than I can even remember her kissing me before. I feel the power and the heat in my head but she is restrained in a way that I never remembered her being. Delicate. Caring. Gentle. It feels nice. I let my hands run down and feel the curves of her body. Sheâ€™s so different from the hard planes of the man beside me and yet both make my heart race. His hands arenâ€™t idol, I feel them sliding over me, and soon I canâ€™t tell the difference between him or her. 

After a few moments, after a break for breathing, I watch the gorgeous woman bend down and meet the lips of the man next me. I feel my cock twitch at the sight and I can both feel and hear Jon groan against her full lips. He cracks an eye open to watch me as I watch him and I notice him smile into the kiss. Tâ€™Pol broke away, looking quizzically down at the older man and then back up to me. More of that silent communication. â€œWhat does he meanâ€¦you like to watch?â€ asked the womanâ€™s soft voice in almost innocent curiosity. Almost. 

I canâ€™t stop the sharp blush across my already flushed body and I think I might be red down my neck. I gulp a little and give her a shrug. â€œItâ€™sâ€¦a turn on to see you two kissinâ€™ is all..â€ I reply, not really sure how to explain it, especially with a lack of blood going to my brain. 

She seems to think about it for a second and looks down at Archer. The command in her eyes is something even I canâ€™t mistake. He leans up and he claims my lips. Hard. I am a little surprised by the passion in his mouth after such slow and sweet touches but I know that Jon is rolling ball of wills and I shouldnâ€™t really be surprised that he was only holding back. Honestly though, I donâ€™t want him to hold back. I donâ€™t care if I pass out completely in exhaustion and sleep for days. I want him and I want all of him. Iâ€™ve never been with a man before and I am not even sure how to go about doing â€¦that but I donâ€™t care. This is Jon. This is my best friend and I know above all else he wonâ€™t hurt me. 

I feel heat burning on me, bubbling in me and sweeping through my mind and I let myself peek as Jon plunders my mouth. Sheâ€™s watching us. Intense and strong and very Vulcan as she observes closely. Her nipples are hard and her breathing is harsh. I thinkâ€¦she might understand now. Suddenly however I stop thinking about anything else because Jonâ€™s hand is wraped around my throbbing cock and heâ€™s stroking. I let out a groan with words in it that I donâ€™t know what I say. I feel like heâ€™s ripping pleasure out of me from somewhere deep inside me and it is so good. 

I hear him give a little laugh. â€œYou really are extremely horny arenâ€™t you?â€ He asks and I canâ€™t help but give him a groan. I havnâ€™t been touched in so long. So very long. 

He twists his wrist and suddenly I canâ€™t believe how easy this is going to be. I am suddenly seeing stars and I know Iâ€™m gonna come if I donâ€™t make him stop but he seems to know that as he pulls back and returns to kissing me tender and slow, hands carefully avoiding the parts of me he knows will drive me crazy, which really at this point is everywhere. 

I donâ€™t know when she started touching me, but my head spins as Iâ€™m assaulted all out again, on all sides. Her hands sliding under me and over my ass, squeezing, her warm full breasts against my chest and stomach, hard nipples caressing my flesh and causing me to breathe deeper. Then there is Jonâ€™s chest against my finger tips, tone and sculpted and I can feel him breathing as his tongue and lips trail down my neck. Her hands move around me, weaseling there way between our bodies and stroking my heated flesh. I feel light headed and when her hand snakes down to touch me more insistent and intimately I feel Jon stop her this time. I feel more than see Tâ€™Polâ€™s voiceless question. 

â€œHe just needs a minuteâ€ Archer replied for me, his voice understanding. I struggle to breathe for a minute, feeling my over stimulated body settling into the sheets as they finally release me from the middle to let me have a little break from their touches. I need a pretty solid minute. 

Instead of explaining to her that I am so close to coming that I might ruin everything, Jon leans over to the sensually bare woman, still glowing with heat and claimed her lips over my middle. Okay. This was nice. I admire his strong shoulders and sculpted arms as he reaches out to woman with a ethereal grace. The womanâ€™s soft skin glowing with heat and flushed in the odd green tint that makes her look darkly tan. I watch her for a moment absorbed in the kiss as they slowly sat up. I watch his hands on her skin, moving in slow exploration down her neck and the sensual curve of her arching back. 

Her soft hair cascading down her shoulders is irresistible to his hands as he strokes her body and I find the motion, very hot. She is suddenly up on her knees, skin brushing my hip as she grabs Jon roughly and demanding. She wants him and I feel it in the back of my head stronger than before. Sheâ€™s loosing that little bit of her control as her lips make demands from him and her hands trace over his muscular arms and down his back. 

He is calm in his response, gentle as his hand travels down her front without pretense. His hand immediately gives her what she wants and the motion surprises her. His fingers barely skip over her stomach as he sinks a finger down between her legs into the wet heat. She gasps arching back and her eyes close. The kiss now broken by her movement he smirks at her, fingers moving quickly and playing her flesh like an instrument. I watch him unwind her and force her to grip his shoulders in a sudden loss of balance. I can feel the connection to her in the back of my brain burn and push against me. I can feel sensation tingle down my spine and I know it is a mix of both mine and hers. I watch her sink down a little as her legs spread, silently begging Archer to do more to her. 

I love the smirk that plays across the older manâ€™s face as she moves with an easy grace. He knows just how to touch her and I wish I could do that with her too. Though I do love to watch I find myself compelled to touch her. I trail one hand starting at the knee that touches me and run it up the swell of her sculpted thigh. I slide my calloused fingers around her backside, enjoying the yielding flesh with a quick squeeze and am rewarded with a soft sound from her parted lips and her hot brown eyes flickering in my direction. I move my attentions higher, tracing the curve of her gorgeous breasts and find myself captivated by their softness, their roundness, their responsive nature as I feel her skin shiver and watch her nipples perk. She is on fire under my fingertips and I watch her clutching Jonâ€™s arms tightly. I am sure heâ€™ll have bruises before the night is through. I slide my hand down however, snaking under the older manâ€™s hand as I go and taking up his position. 

He smirks and shows me his movements. He teaches me without a word of instruction how to make the woman with us shake. My fingers reach deep inside her, stroking the flesh there and massaging it in small circles. I feel his thumb press mine somewhere familiar but not quite the same as in human females. I donâ€™t ever remember touching Tâ€™Pol there before so many years ago, but I guess that Archer has had much more time to explore her and unlike me, heâ€™d never leave a stone unturned. I feel her suddenly jerk like a quivering bow string and a moan escape her mouth like nothing I have heard before. My mind is flooded with passion and she is quite instantly no longer interested in sitting still. 

I find myself firmly on my back, her hands on my shoulders and her insistent muscles straining. She straddles me and I feel my cock twitch in excitement. I am so hard and my fingers know just how burning hot and wet she is. I want her, and I know she wants me. There is a smirk on Archers face as he removes his hand quickly, before Tâ€™Pol can yank it away. She descends on me without hesitation or delicacy and I gasp at the sudden sensation. I arch like a taught string myself as she groans in relief. She sinks herself completely on me and holds herself steady. Evidently the urge she was feeling is at least somewhat complete when she is on me. She doesnâ€™t move at first her body just trembling at the feel of me and I am struck with how beautiful she it. 

Shinning with sweat and radiating heat she is straddled over me and sitting ram rod straight with all the power of her controlled muscles concentrating a focus on the single point inside her. Where I am inside her. Her body is tight. So tight. I remember it but since it is been so long I guess I had forgotten how it feels. The alien sensation of her around me is one that I want to commit to memory all over again. Something so unearthly delightful and yet it is perfect. I donâ€™t realize that my eyes have fallen closed until I hear Jonâ€™s groan and discover I have to open my eyes in order to see him. Heâ€™s next to her, lips on her hot neck and body at the mercy of her little hand that had nothing less than an iron grip on his erection. 

I feel a little overwhelmed by the site of them. For one second I see them as they were before I was there, flirty and in love and yet sad, and they both turn to me, Tâ€™pol moving suddenly and causing me to let out a gurggling moan that I canâ€™t imagine could possibly be sexy and yet it makes Jon smile wide as he lays himself beside me. I canâ€™t help but touch him, so I take a hold of him alongside Tâ€™Polâ€™s manicured nails. Holy shit is he hard. He feels like heâ€™s pulsing and I think the flesh might have jumped when I touched him. Iâ€™ve never touched a dick other than my own. With Tâ€™Pol back on sitting still I feel my attention drawn to the feel of it. Hard and dark at the tip, skin soft and moving over the core of it like a slippery treat. I suddenly wonder what he tastes like. 

â€œMust you put everything in your mouth Mr. Tucker?â€ asked the sultry woman as she rocked herself forward and I find my mind spinning back to the present. 

â€œOh fuckâ€ I find my own voice saying as I squeeze Jon hard and arch up. I feel a roll of pleasure punch through me and start building in the small of my back with such overload it could feel like pain. I forget bout my hand on Jon and pull away gripping Tâ€™Pol hips tightly as she moves against me in a broken and torturing rhythm. â€œTâ€™Polâ€¦.Shitâ€¦Tâ€™Polâ€¦.â€ My eyes close and I feel myself loosing all control, all patience, and then I feel those lips on mine again. Jon. Heâ€™s kissing me and pulling me back to reality. God it feelâ€™s good, driving my hard flesh into the tight hot woman above me, being ridden by her, completely at her mercy and this man kissing me. He is smirking at me. 

He must know what this feels like. Must look at me and know the mind blowing pleasure this woman is bringing to my body and knowing Iâ€™ll never be able to hold out. I feel my hands shake a little and my balls tighten. My eyes roll up into my head without my control and my toes curl as my back arches like a bow string. I swear I hear one of my vertebrae giving a soft pop from the sudden motion but I donâ€™t give a flying fuck as the goddess above me finally lets me come. 

I feel myself spilling into her and my body is quivering under her, at the mercy of those muscles that squeeze me and push me and milk me for everything I have. I am strung out between the stars and my mind is bursting with light. I feel her there. In the back of my blinding white mind, her soft smile is there, satisfied and suddenly I feel her come. I feel her come like a wave of crashing pleasure that slams through me and threatens to rip me apart. Never have I felt myself come apart twice at the same time or so close together and I feel like my world is overloaded to the point I canâ€™t get air. I am struggling for breath and I wonder if Iâ€™m going to pass out. I am pretty sure I will. 

I return to the world only to find myself in complete quiet. I feel myself worry a little bit and I sit myself up, well I would if there wasnâ€™t a strong hand weighing down my chest. I open my eyes to find Archerâ€™s body almost under me, arms wrapped around me, face buried in my neck. Tâ€™Pol is silent in front of me. Her soft hand on my chest and it travels up to brush my hair back tenderly. I can hear Jonâ€™s uneven breathing, heâ€™s awake and heâ€™s calming down with deep soft breaths. 

â€œYou passed outâ€ She whispers in explanation, a soft smile, almost gloating really crossing her features. I give her a soft smile and I let my eyes close for a moment to enjoy the feeling of their body heat. 

â€œSorry bout thatâ€¦not usually the kinda guy who falls asleep right after ..â€ I tell her, although that isnâ€™t entirely true. I feel like my body is tingling and floating and still reverberating with the feeling of them. 

She lifts an eyebrow and brushes my hair with her tender fingers again. â€œYou didnâ€™t fall asleep, you passed out.â€ Her voice is so matter of fact and plain. Ever the logical one.

I blush softly, â€œWell, it wasâ€¦kinda intense.â€ I return, one hand sliding up the curve of her hip and I realize that I love the feel of these sheets, they are soft and smell great and there is nothing better than this woman and this man and this bed and this moment and all the moments in my mind before now. I feel like Iâ€™m floating in a different way. I feel Jonâ€™s warm breath on my neck, his arms tighten and I can feel the heat of his skin close to mine, seeping into me. â€œmore than kinda.â€ I canâ€™t believe I thought I could suppress the urge to jump this manâ€™s bones. I can feel myself tingling at his touch, knowing the breath on my neck is erotic and feeling it pull at the bottom of my belly. Shitâ€¦I just came like a hurricane and I am getting hard again? But Iâ€™m not hard, Iâ€™m tired and my body is completely unresponsive, despite this feeling of acute arousal. I glance up and make the connection. 

Tâ€™Pol. She is staring at me and Jon, specifically where his sweet little lips meet the hallow of my throat and she has the softest little smile gracing her lips. She finds this sexy, him holding me. Not that I mind, I quite like it, and feeling her in the back of my head, although slightly confusing does feel nice. Nice not to be alone. Nice to feel again. I love youâ€¦ The words are on my tounge and almost out in a rush. I donâ€™t even know they have come from and I have to bite my lip to keep them in my mouth. I suddenly feel a rush of panic I donâ€™t know really what this encounter means. Didâ€¦did I misinterpret what they wanted from me?

Suddenly I flash back to every word, every touch, every moment. Neither of them said the words they loved me. Neither of them said they wanted anything from me. I pushed myself on them. No. They said they waited for me. But they love each other. They both do. Is this a joke? What could this be? No they arenâ€™t cruel, they arenâ€™t- and suddenly I canâ€™t think anymore because the Vulcan has her hands on my head and Iâ€™m being flooded by blue white light. 

Itâ€™s calming and I feel my tense body relax. My beating heart calms. I find myself in a place filled with white and blue light, extending everywhere all at once. â€œYou are very easily excited Commander.â€ Responds the calm voice of the one person I know to be here. Tâ€™Pol. 

My mind is still spinning but her presence turns it white and calm and soft as a glassy lake on a sunny day. It feels different then I remember when I was bonded with her so long ago. It seems, sunny rather than cold. I flex my hands slowly and canâ€™t stop the words that are at the front of my mind. Less difficult to say them here. â€œYouâ€™ve changed.â€ I tell her, realizing that not for the first time. â€œJonâ€™s been good for ya.â€ I toss her a smile but I know what sheâ€™s hear for and I firmly plan on denying it. I firmly plan on not letting her drag anything out of me. Iâ€™ll pretend it didnâ€™t happen. Pretend I didnâ€™t think it, panic over it. â€œI think Iâ€™m okay now. You can let me go.â€ 

There is suddenly another presence and I didnâ€™t know she could do it. I feel Jonâ€™s mind, strong and cam at the moment, but passionate and completely different then Tâ€™Pol. Heâ€™s a brilliant bright blue. Shimmering and moving and yet I donâ€™t see the color other then the slight glow in Tâ€™Polâ€™s Whiteblue world. I jump a little as he wraps his arms around me and it is more than just physical he is blue and calm but brilliant and passionate and filled with color as he pulls my mind into his, I feel and hear him as he speaks, words ringing through me like an old church bell. â€œI will never let you go Charles Tucker III.â€ 

I can feel what I do not need to say, and I can feel them without filters or words or labels that can so easily confuse the mind of humans. I feel the words coming as I leave my eyes closed, still seeing, still feeling their minds and thoughts as they slowly receded away and leave me as only myself again. â€œIâ€¦I love yaâ€¦have for years. Never stopped.â€ 

â€œI know.â€ She whispers slipping as close as she can to close her eyes and lean her head against my forehead. â€œIâ€¦.â€ 

I can feel it then. Her love. Bursting and stifling rolling in from the back of her mind and flooding over me strong and on fire. Fighting to get through. She canâ€™t say those words. She canâ€™t admit them. I love her, and I can never make her do anything that hurts her, even if it crushes my heart just a little bit. â€œI knowâ€ I tell her, kissing her lips gently and briefly. â€œYou donâ€™t have to say it.â€ 

â€œYour â€¦a terrible liar, Trip.â€ Jon whispers, and I watch her struggle.

I gave her the out she needed but prideful as ever it looked like she wasnâ€™t going to take it. â€œI believe I may feel affection for you as wellâ€¦â€ 

Archer is silent, arms still and solid around me and yet he is tight, very tight. I feel the slightest hint of something off from him. He is just as afraid as I was. I turn myself over, dislodging my superiorly comfortable position to look him in those bright, beautiful green eyes. â€œHey Jonâ€ I whisper and I see a small smile break across his face at the use of his name. Laced slightly with sadness and doubt. â€œLove yaâ€¦â€ His smile is a little bitter. Like he doesnâ€™t know or doesnâ€™t believe what I am telling him. â€œLove ya, and I donâ€™t just mean in the lets just be friends wayâ€¦â€ I know perfectly well before I say it that this will embarrass the hell out of him, but I do it anyway. I slide up to his ear, whispering softly, but knowing those Vulcan ears could hear it anyways. I just want to be close to him when I say this. â€œI mean, I love you in the I wanna fuck you all night long kinda way.â€ 

He gapes at me, stunned for a moment before he recovers enough to close the distance to my mouth, pouring his emotion into me and claiming me with a burning that isnâ€™t just passion but love. â€œI love you tooâ€¦â€ He whispers, muffled against my lips as he never leaves me and donâ€™t wander as they devour me again, showing me what he barely got out in his stress crackling voice. 

I kiss him back, but my mouth is still lazy and tired. I am completely sated and I donâ€™t think I can get myself up, literally or figuratively for another round with these gorgeous lovers that seem to want me. I break the kiss with the man so close to me and take a few deep breathes. God he smells good. Like sweat and sex and I donâ€™t mind when he wraps his arms around my middle and pulls me close. His face is buried in my neck and his warm lips are still on my neck. Heâ€™s just holding me. Holding me close with a touch that is sweet and careful. I guess I forgot how much I loved him, but in this moment I canâ€™t forget what he looks like so involved in a game, cheering for his favorite team. I canâ€™t forget his dedication or how many times he saved my life. More than that I canâ€™t forget the feel of him kissing me. Itâ€™s so right. So completely right and I realize for the almost twenty years we knew each other before I tried to give my life for his, I loved him. Every stupid minute I didnâ€™t know it but I did. I loved him. I wanted to spend time with him, wanted to be with him. Cared about him. Wanted to keep him safe. Wanted to keep him to myself. I just never was willing to see it. But heâ€™s not my Captain anymore. Heâ€™s not my superior, we arenâ€™t on his ship and right now, none of that matters. I feel myself getting tired as his eyes close against me and his hand strokes my back in lazy motions. 

â€œSleepâ€ says the woman behind me, her body pulling up flush against me and I begin to think this is a nice way to fall asleep. I could get used to this.


	2. I am Alive

I am Alive

I wake up slowly, the warm feeling of sheets beneath me feeling like a gentle cocoon. I feel my heart race at the memory of last night, my mouth burning with the memory of kisses and my skin burns with the memory of those soft touched. I know that I have been sleeping soundly and for a long time due to the warm temperature of the sheets under me, and yet I feelâ€¦a little cold. Iâ€™m still naked but that isnâ€™t exactly it. My mind is slow but it puts the pieces together as I realize I am alone. There is no one against me, neither soft and luscious nor hard and toned. I feel a little surge of panic in my gut as I feel very awake. I pull myself up and look around the room with wide eyes. They were gone.

My heart pounds in my chest as I check again. But the bed is still empty. They...left? I feel a little lost. They left, just left. I find it strange and I take a moment to breathe before I think again. I can hear something, something moving in the apartment. The kitchen. I stand quickly and yank on a loose pair of pants from the floor. I donâ€™t bother with a shirt as I wander out to the small hallway and immediately feel a swell of relief. Tâ€™Pol is moving to sit at the table, her back straight and her eyes trained on a padd in her hand. I watch her glance up at me. She has obviously heard me and I work hard to make my heart calm down, to make myself look casual.

I glance around the room and notice another cup, this one filled with coffee sitting on the table and looking quite fresh as steam billowed from the rim. I walk with a greater strength then I think I have. I feel somehow more refreshed even after last nightâ€™s activity. Perhaps just the thought of it makes me light on my feet. I am tempted to kiss her, but I am curious why she wasnâ€™t in bed with me this morning, and where Jon was, I feel myself suddenly a little guarded. I give as a soft cough as I sit down by the delicious smelling cup. â€œFor me?â€ I ask at the Vulcan who pays me little attention.

â€œActually. No.â€ She responded, setting down the mechanical device with a straight face and looking up to me. It seemed she was very much back to the Vulcan woman I know so well. I sit in the chair by the coffee and look at the cup quizzically. â€œIt is for Jonathan.â€

I feel myself perk a little bit at the mention of the older man. â€œWhere is Jon this morninâ€™â€¦?â€ I ask trying to stay calm as I take the coffee intended for the older man and sip it. I notice the slightest hint of a smile on the womanâ€™s face as she sips her tea.

â€œHis presence was required on the base early this morning.â€ She replied, adjusting herself to look at me clearly. â€œHe is currently on his way back. He should be arriving shortly.â€

I crack her a smile and lean back in my chair, feeling a little better with the explanation she provided. I pull the cup to my lips and take a small sip of the hot beverage. Iâ€™m not really a coffee drinker, always more favored sweet tea, but it is an explosion of flavor that I donâ€™t realize till now I really missed. I havenâ€™t been eating or drinking much exciting things, but I do love the feel of the hot creamy liquid in my throat. It probably doesnâ€™t really have any stimulant in it, but I donâ€™t mind. I assume that the Vulcan made the coffee with what she knew Jon likes and I am a little surprised that he takes it with so much milk and sugar.

I glance up at the Vulcan, noticing that instead of going back to her reading, she is looking at me. I find myself nearly squirming under her firm gaze. â€œIt appears we have some things to discussâ€¦â€ She says, her voice even as she sets down her mug and assumes a very taught posture. She continues when I neither protest nor urge her forward. Iâ€™m not usually the silent type but my brain is rather similar to a puddle of goo still groggily attempting to grasp the morning. â€œThe doctor informs me your therapy has progressed well and there is no reason your recovery could not continue under minimal medical supervision in another location.â€

I open my mouth to ask her a question but find myself jumping as the door swings open rather quickly and without warning. Archer walks in with a wide stride and shuts the door behind him none too gently. I glance up only to find his green eyes surprised. â€œSomething wrong Capâ€™in?â€ I ask, concerned for his agitated appearance. The older man seems to consider something and shakes his head.

â€œNothing Trip. Justâ€¦â€ He walks leisurely toward the kitchen, his muscles tense but relaxing as his anger dissipates. It reminds me of him getting a call from the Vulcanâ€™s and how worked up he could get. He pours himself a mug of liquid and puts nothing in it. Taking a sip of the black brew. I smile to myself with the realization that Tâ€™Pol did make coffee for me and made it sweet for my benefit. I smile at myself and take note of her grown sense of humor. I turn my attention back up to the man in the small kitchenette as I shift in my seat. I know heâ€™s calming down already and I can see his brain working through whatever problem he was solving before coming in here.

I never wanted to be a Captain, and I never wanted a command, Iâ€™m not the kinda guy that wants all that pressure and all the responsibility, and yet I know my best friend, and his frustration now is one of a caged tiger, but I know heâ€™ll calm down soon enough. The best way for him to deal with this was to stop thinking about it. There was a time for work and a time to think about other things and now was not a time for work. I watch him shrug off the thoughts of his day and lean against the counter. He looks older at the moment. Much older than I remember him, and far older then he was last night. â€œJust a long day alreadyâ€¦â€ he finished and took a deep sip of the dark bitter liquid.

â€œI am sorry to hear that.â€ Tâ€™Pol responded, her hands going back to the padd. As her face tilts and the long strands of brown hair fall from behind her shoulders to tumble down the front of her tight outfit. I let my eyes glance down at the very familiar white cat suit. I always liked the white one. I watch her push her hair back as she stands, handing the small device to the man against the counter.

He takes it and smiles a little at the document as he reads it. â€œYou are quick arenâ€™t youâ€¦â€ He responds to the woman and gently sits it down on the table as he sinks into one of the chairs. He seems a bit cheerier with the news, and his eyes drift toward me. I feel a little naked as he doesnâ€™t seem shy about checking me out. I suddenly wish I had bothered to throw on a shirt. The silence seems a little drawn out and it only makes me more jittery. I am nervous about what they are gonna say or do. Part of me wonders if we will fall into being together or if they will just ignore what happened last night. To be honest, part of me is simply terrified. Tâ€™Pol pushed me away once and although I donâ€™t think Jon would hurt me that way, it still hasnâ€™t been that long for me. I sit staring into my coffee waiting for someone else to make the first move. I guess I should have known it would be the Vulcan.

â€œI believe we need to have a discussion concerning your wishes for the future.â€ She responded, setting the pad centered in front of her and brushed the table in apparently a slightly nervous habit. She is becoming so human, or maybe that little wall that kept her so well presented was starting to crack down just a bit.

I cough slightly and wiggle in my seat. Jon has a smirk on his face, and I suppose he knew she would just blurt out the words without any possible cushion. â€œI guessâ€¦â€ I tell her, pulling back. I wantâ€¦I donâ€™t know what I want. But I have never really been the kinda guy to back outta anything. Last night I threw all my chips in the pot and I put down everything on a gamble with these two gorgeous people and right now I am hoping that no one has something different in mind.

â€œAre youâ€¦uncomfortable with a relationship with me, considering our history I understand this may be difficult for you and you may wish to only consider me a friend.â€ She asked, her words direct and her voice level.

I feel like Iâ€™m getting the third degree. I wish this could be more casual but something in Jonâ€™s posture tells me she is going to do this her way and I might as well relax. So I do. I cover up my fear as I always do with humor. I lean back and give her a gentle shrug. â€œIâ€™m plenty comfortable with it.â€

She nodded as if this information was almost expected, at the very least it seemed to just be information and not at all able to effect her emotions. Yet for a second I feel something flare in the back of her mind and bleed into mine. It seems like it might even be excitement, or relief or a mix of the two. I try not to crack a smile and I take another sip of the sweet coffee and relax. This is what Tâ€™Pol must have meant by needing to talk. â€œAre you as equally comfortable with Admiral Jonathan Archer.â€

I feel myself smirk at her with those very strangely loaded words, and yet I canâ€™t bring myself to just answer. â€œIâ€™ve had a relationship with Jonathan Archer for almost two decades, Iâ€™d say Iâ€™m plenty comfortable, I mean, weâ€™re havinâ€™ coffee together right now.â€ I say with a candid smile aimed at the other man. He gives me a little smile himself and at the easiness of my attitude he seems almost â€¦unsettled. I watch as he shifts a little and leans his arms on the table. A gesture I recognize as nervousness. I wonder if he is about to start pacing.

â€œTripâ€¦seriously.â€ He asks, and I slowly lower the cup to the table, my bright blue eyes meeting his in a tight gaze. â€œI know youâ€™ve never been with a man before. I just wantâ€¦to be sure you know what your getting into.â€

I look up at him and I know I must look a little surprised. I slide forward and close to him, looking at him hard and long. â€œJonâ€ I keep my voice low, and reach out to run my fingers through his slightly graying hair. â€œI didnâ€™t get drunk last night and I wasnâ€™t coerced into anything. I made a choice to sleep with twoâ€¦â€ I make it a point to glance down the older manâ€™s uniform and remember his chest, the tone muscles and the feel of my hands against his flesh. I only tear my eyes away to glance a Tâ€™Pol, slim and curvaceous. I remember her body and let my eyes linger down her clingy cat suit and admire the fabric across her breasts. I even think I can see her breath slightly quicken. â€œincredibly sexyâ€¦amazingly smart people,â€ I pull my eyes back to Jonâ€™s and focus them pointedly on those green eyes again. â€œWho are great in bed I might add.â€ I feel a flush of satisfaction as I watch him blush. â€œand I did that because I wanted to. Wantedâ€¦you.â€

I see him shift uncomfortably doubting me for a moment. He always was a little careful considering how often we tease each other, but I donâ€™t want him to doubt me now so I lean forward and I kiss him. My lips meet his with soft pressure as I kiss him I make sure it is tender and delicate rather than passionate and reckless. The hand I have on the side of his face slides into his hair with tender caress and I resist the urge to explore his mouth with my tongue. No. This isnâ€™t about hot rabid want fuck your brains out kissing. This is about showing him I want him and care about him for more than a good tumble in the sheets. I pull back with what must be a goofy smile on my face and I peek at him while still leaning close. Damnâ€¦that flutter in my chest, the lightness in my headâ€¦and the tightening of my barrowed sweats all tell me the same thing. I really really like this man in front of me.

As I settle myself back into my chair I keep hold of the manâ€™s eyes with mine. He seems to be a bit happier with my reassurance, yet it doesnâ€™t seem completely convinced. Heâ€™s spent far too much time out of the hot seat of exploration. I wonder where his drive for the unknown has gone. Where was the cowboy who kissed a girl to shut her up while he fixed his universal translator. â€œWhat is it?â€ I ask him.

He puts his hand on mine still gently touching him, and lets his fingers trail down my exposed wrist. I feel goosbumps prickle up my spine as he gives me a soft smile. â€œI spent quite a bit of time thinking about how I could possibly convince you to give this a shot, and nowâ€¦I feel like I have just found myself in one hell of a dream and Iâ€™ll admit I never saw this coming.â€

I give him a big smile and straighten my back pulling my arm back slowly, not particularly sure how to respond to that. I just shrug and take another sip of coffee before my attention is once again pulled to the Vulcan and her curious questions. â€œHave you ever had a sexual relationship with a male before?â€

I choke a little on my coffee from the bluntness of her question. I feel the hot spots splatter down onto my chest and gulp my mouthful down quickly and wipe the sticky heat from my skin. I shift in my seat before I answer. â€œWellâ€¦noâ€ I answer, but I recover rather well in a few seconds as I smirk up at the handsome man in front of me, posing a question of my own. â€œWhat about you? Any angry ex-boyfriends I should be worried about?â€

I watch the cute blush spread over his face and see his bright eyes sparkle with something mischievous and frankly quite sexy. I think he is adorable like that and I wonder how often I can make him do it. He shifts and shakes his head. The negative, although doesnâ€™t completely surprise me, does make me curious, he was quite good at touching me.

â€œThen why are you so willing to accept such an unconventional encounter?â€ She asked, slight dismay in her voice.

I smile at her and feel the need to show her what I did Archer. I stand slowly and lean forward over the small table top to claim the womanâ€™s mouth. She is rather unyielding for a moment, however her lips did soon soften to my touch and become slightly responsive. I let our lips disconnect but I do not move away from her. â€œTâ€™Polâ€¦ I told you onceâ€¦that I loved you. You ignored me. Just because you pretend it isnâ€™t there, doesnâ€™t mean I stopped feeling it. Doesnâ€™t mean I ever stopped feeling it. As far as Jon goesâ€¦Iâ€™ve loved him for years. Iâ€™ve shared everything with him, heâ€™s been with me and there for me, more times than I can remember, so whatâ€™s to say that we canâ€™t share this?â€

â€œAnd,â€ She asked, lips still close to mine, â€œto show this affectionâ€¦simultaneously?â€

â€œMama always taught me to shareâ€ I claim, leaning forward to take her slightly swollen lips again. She doesnâ€™t seem to resist as much this time. I must be making sense to her, which is obviously not what she expected. I feel her kiss me back, soft and hesitant.

We break apart and I know she canâ€™t help but clear the air. Itâ€™s what she does, despite my intended distraction. â€œI would not appreciate humor in this moment Commanderâ€¦â€ She whispers, voice tight and serious.

â€œOf course notâ€¦â€ I tell her, landing one tender kiss on her forehead before sliding back into my seat and leaving the large smirk on my face. She opens her mouth to talk again but I canâ€™t resist interrupting. â€œWhy do you have to make this so difficult Tâ€™Pol, these arenâ€™t the questions you wanna ask me. Just spit it out.â€  
She shifted in her seat slightly and I can feel her off kilter in the back of my head. She didnâ€™t expect me to figure it out and I find it cute that the Vulcan would underestimate me so quickly. Iâ€™ve been asleep a long time. Her voice is steady and she doesnâ€™t hesitate at my request. â€œThe Admiral is being recalled to Earth, and my superiors also grow restless at my absence. With Phloxâ€™s recent conclusion to discharge you, me and Archer have discussed the possibility of you coming to live with us on Earth.â€

I feel like I need to smile, like Iâ€™ve won something. â€œSounds fine with me, when do we leave?â€

Jon rubes his face with a wide hand. He looks tired and I almost feel guilty for keeping him up all night. Almost. â€œMy transportation arrived this morning, theyâ€™ll be leaving space doc tomorrow morning, 0300.â€

I am a little surprised. I would think that they would want to ask me this a bit farther in advance. Even before last night, they are both less than spur of the moment individuals. â€œThey call you back just this morning?â€ I ask, feeling myself spurred with the drive to know.

â€œâ€¦Most recently.â€ He comments, eyes not meeting mine.

â€œMost recently?â€ I repeat for him as a question.

â€œThey haveâ€¦attempted to recall me several times in the last month, but I didnâ€™t take them too seriously until their most recent message. They soundâ€¦ quite determined.â€ He comments, hiding his mouth within his coffee cup, when his eyes flicker down they catch on the PADD on the table. Suddenly I have the very distinct impression that Iâ€™m not even in the room anymore.

I feel a rush of something but I canâ€™t quite place what it was. It wasnâ€™t that I was ungrateful for having Jon here for my recovery. He made it fun, he made the pain of physical theory bearable, Jon made my world less lonely and seeing him everyday made me excited to wake up. But to know he ignored orders to stay with me? I knew there was probably more to it. He carefully dodged orders, volunteered for business here, or talked his way out of returning, but now he was out of options, he still didnâ€™t want to leave Denobula without me. That can give a manâ€™s ego a nice stroke.

I stand slowly, because Iâ€™m tired and I donâ€™t want to talk anymore about what this complicated thing will be. I just want it to be us. Them and me and us together. I let my legs and back stretch out the strain in my muscles. â€œGuess I should pack then huh?â€ I ignore the idea that I donâ€™t really have anything. No possessions. These clothes arenâ€™t even mine. â€œCanâ€™t wait to go shoppingâ€¦â€ I shift a little in the soft cotton. â€œno offense Capâ€™in but your clothing options do leave something to be desired.â€

I turn and feel more then see his smile and I know he is watching me. â€œWhere will you ever find more of those Hawaiian shirts?â€

I give a bark of a laugh and throw a smirk over my shoulder. â€œYou watch meâ€

Sheâ€™s watching me too. And not that normal leering or looking or observing kind of way. They are staring at me with the knowledge that I should be dead. Dead and gone but instead I am awake. I am tempted to shake my ass at the beautiful duo behind me. That would treat them to quite a show. I smirk to myself and retreat back to the quite bedroom. I feel like I need a moment to myself and despite the abundance of sleep I jump back into the comfy bed and crawl under the sheets. Sleep is not really on my mind, however as I relax in the softly illuminated room. I just want to enjoy this moment, here, letting my mind float blankly.

***

Archer and Tâ€™Pol pack it all. Everything. The dishes, the pictures, the sheets. They brought it all with them in the first place and now they are taking it back, because with me awake, I donâ€™t think any of us will be coming back soon, despite the desire to visit the lovely doctor, I think weâ€™ve all had enough of Denobula for a long time.

Our trip is relatively short, most of the day but the most exciting part is this is our hosts, an Andorian ship in fact, gave me a wonderful look at their engines. I guess I should have spent more time with Jon or Tâ€™Pol but I couldnâ€™t help it. I am vaguely aware of them watching me for some time. I glance back at the older manâ€™s smile, and I know my face is beaming, my eyes sparkling. The engine is amazing, more advanced then Iâ€™ve ever seen before, but it has been seven years. I find my mind racing with ideas and concepts and captivated by the brilliant design. By the time we reached San Francisco Iâ€™m eating dinner with their chief engineer and itâ€™s all shop. Tâ€™Pol is there, but she says little and I feel a little guilty that I mostly ignore her. The engineer is talking about balancing the matter and anti-matter injectors and their impact of plasma manifold stability at warp 8 and just talking about it makes my heart jump.

I donâ€™t stop talking about it on the way out of space doc, I donâ€™t stop talking about it as we carry a small group of bags toward the waiting line of cabs and cars. I am rambling about it and I know I am but I donâ€™t think about it other than the fact I am bounding about like a child. I turn and walk backward laughing and relaying something to Jon in a rush of numbers and gibberish. The taller man reached out and pulls my arm forward so I donâ€™t walk backward into the street. I just keep prattling on, until we get to our destination.

Archers house. Where Archer and Tâ€™Pol have lived, together, for at least three years now. I recognize it with a flood of sentiment from Tâ€™Polâ€™s memories. Though it is a modestly sized home, being an Admiral defiantly has itâ€™s perks. â€œDamnâ€¦Capâ€™inâ€¦I gotta get me a promotion.â€ I drop the small bag Iâ€™m carrying at the door next to the bags that have been already been delivered in the main hallway. I walk slowly, but this is so familiar, like I have been here before. I feel something inside me, chomping at the bit. That thing behind me screaming, go go go. Go forward. Go on. Exploration of something new, someplace new and it feels good. Like the entire day with those strange engines. Itâ€™s invigorating.

The living room is wide and open, there is a large television and large comfy sectional sofa. The room opens to a sizable table and a sizable kitchen I recognize in shape to the one Tâ€™Pol once nearly destroyed in anger. It is open and airy and the design is light and soft. There are many candles lining the living room and I surely recognize the balcony outside a large set of glass doors. I canâ€™t resist the urge to walk toward it. The doors open easily as I walk out into the cool open night air. The ocean is beautiful and the city lights cast a glow I havnâ€™t seen in so long, and yet I just walked through them. I take a deep breath, living in this one moment where I bothered long enough to shut up and realize that I am in a home that can truly be my home. I am in a place that I can stay and feel settled and even more feel love.

I am brought from my thoughts by the feel of warm arms wrapping around my middle. Itâ€™s Jon, and I can feel his body heat and the hard lines of his muscles up against me. â€œGreat viewâ€ I tell him, in a hushed voice and say nothing more.

â€œMust be.â€ He mentions, soft lips descending to my neck and giving me a small kiss. I can feel his smile against my skin. â€œItâ€™s the first thing to shut you up in over 15 hoursâ€¦â€ I laugh softly as I feel myself blush.

â€œSorry about thatâ€¦â€ I say quietly, and lean against the railing, making a conscience effort to bite my tongue.

I feel now, more than just his smile as he lets his hands run down my sides. â€œYou must be tiredâ€¦â€ he says with a soft voice, his touch warm but not seeking, not demanding. I lean against him knowing he will hold me and I donâ€™t answer immediately. I just want to feel him for a moment.

The silence stretches out, but as soon as I figure it out for myself I donâ€™t hesitate to tell him. â€œThis is the first time Iâ€™ve gotten to really explore something in so long, I guess I was a littleâ€¦over excited. I guess I need to get out more often.â€ His arms are encouraging as he turns me and I feel him flush against my front. He is beautiful in the glow of the city, the moon full and bright illuminating his face. I toss him a soft smile as I look up at him and lean back letting my arms trace up the taller manâ€™s arms. This feels odd, standing in such a romantic setting with a man, and yet this feels right. Iâ€™ve spent a lot of time with Jon, at night, alone and close together, yet right now this feels so comfortable. He is gentle and he is solid. I trust him with my life, trust him in every way, I find myself realizing, even with my heart. I find this a very interesting interaction.

I hear something rattle inside and it is a sharp sound. I blink and both me and Jon shift to peek through the glass window into the kitchen. I watch Tâ€™Pol putting away dishes and things from the cases that were delivered ahead of us. Her movements are stiff and sharp. There is defiantly something wrong with her although I canâ€™t really think of what that might be.

My best friend for decades must see my confusion written all over my face because he lets out a little laugh. â€œI understandâ€¦I know what that feeling is like, finding something new, getting swept up in something exciting. Itâ€™s only human, and Iâ€™m sure you didnâ€™t even notice the chief engineer of that ship was female.â€ The man shrugged and looked back over his shoulder, turning to slip beside me as we both lean on the railing and observe the woman so emotional in only the slightest tells of movement. With a soft smile that strikes me as knowing and humor filled, the older man continues in a teasing and yet understanding tone. â€œMuch less that you were flirting with her so shamelessly.â€

I find myself giving a soft chuckle. â€œI was notâ€¦â€ The look he gives me however is all the banter I need. â€œI guessâ€¦well maybe I was flirting, but I was justâ€¦sâ€¦She canâ€™t possiblyâ€¦â€

â€œThink that after seven years asleep youâ€™d jump into bed with any alien that bats their eyelashesâ€¦â€ Jon asked a sweet little smirk covering his face that I canâ€™t help but find endearing. â€œThis from the man who with the first interspecies pregnancyâ€¦when we were barely out of space dock.â€ He doesnâ€™t stop to dispute my reaction as I bristle from his statement. â€œYou know being green runs in her blood...â€

I smile and find myself leaning back against the railing to bite my lip. Okay, I admit I was really excited, and I can still remember her giving her smile to another person, how much that made me surge. Sheâ€™s jealous. It kinda feels nice to have her so possessive of me. I miss it really. â€œWell Iâ€™ll just have to show her how very sorry I am.â€

Archers wide smirk told me that he considered that to be a very good idea. â€œVery sorry indeedâ€¦â€

~OoO~

â€œYour jealous.â€ I tell her, letting the most false bravado I can fill my voice, but truthfully, when she bristles at the word I know Iâ€™m right and my bravado is no longer so false.

â€œAnd you are extremely flirtatious.â€ She snaps back her eyes boiling and yet her voice is firmly deadpan and logical.

I slink forward with what I know is a sultry smile on my face. â€œYou bet I am sweetheart.â€ She seems angry as I yank her up against me and leave her no room for argument. My lips are crushed against hers and I feel her burn like fire raging in the back of my head. Damn. She is mad and hot and balled into one amazing ring of concentrated woman. It doesnâ€™t take her but a second to react and start crushing my lips back. She presses her curvy body against mine and I donâ€™t try to hide my growing hardness. My tongue sucks hers into my mouth and our slick muscles dance together in a breathless roll of sensation. It takes a second to break our dancing tongues and catch her soft ear with my lips, my voice is deep from arousal when I speak in her ear, â€œand yet you are the only woman I want to fuck senselessâ€¦â€

I feel her shiver in my arms and I wonder if she really knows what I mean by that statement. She kisses me again and I feel her passion erupt in the back of my head and it threatens to overwhelm me. My knees go weak and I feel her hands run against my sides, fingertips running slowly up my shirt and against my skin. My arms reflexively let her go and they collide roughly with the counter behind her as they take my weight and I struggle to comprehend the taste of her and the smell of her and the feeling of her hands and lips on my skin.

I feel myself groan and my head falling back as she leans down and sucks hardily on my neck as if she is trying to mark me, her hands peeling off my shirt as I suddenly feel super heated. So super heated. God she feels good against me, her hot hands trailing up and across the musculature of my chest and upper body. With my head back and eyes closed I feel her make an interesting sound, something between a coo and a possessive growl as she rips my shirt away. I know that all is forgiven as she assaults my body and I hear myself groan as she kisses down my chest and my arms strain to support me against her onslaught on my body and in my head.

â€œYou like to talk dirty Commander,..?â€ Her voice whispered, sultry and hot against my skin, â€œI can do better than that.â€ Her hand snakes up against my face and I feel Jon then, coming behind me and the humor in his voice is evident as he whispers somewhere but I am not really able to pay that close of attention, itâ€™s something along the lines of â€˜hold on.â€™

I think my heart might have stopped for a second before it explodes in reaction. Her thoughts bombard me. Not memories, but fantasies. I only know that for sure however because it is all the dirty things I wish I could do to her and some I have never thought of before. Itâ€™s not like sheâ€™s forgotten about Jon either. Itâ€™s honestly hard to tell the reality from the fantasy in our minds. I go from one moment sandwiched between them, still in my pants, then I am bent over her, her bare ass pressed against my pelvis, my throbbing cock buried deep inside her and she is so wet and so wonderful I almost come in that moment alone.

Then it changed and Iâ€™m up against the shower wall, and the feeling around me is there again. Yet this time it is her mouth around me, hot , wet and now the suction is pulling on me and her tongue is around me. Oh holy shit she isnâ€™t playing around. I feel myself ready to come and suddenly I am the one bent over, leaning against a table and there is a sensation I have never felt before. Iâ€™m full. Iâ€™m soâ€¦oh god damn what was that? I feel it crash over me as those familiar hands tighten on my hips. Heâ€™s in me. Oh God Jon is fucking me and it feelsâ€¦so good. My back is pulled taught and I claw at the table. Suddenly I move again and this time I am licking my way down Jonâ€™s chest moving down and I want to taste him and I canâ€™t take it anymore. â€œStopâ€ I tell her. The word reverberates through my mind and hers as well as being on my lips.

In a hairâ€™s breath Iâ€™m back between them and I havenâ€™t moved. That was all in my head and it felt so real. I open my eyes, air in my lungs burning, and my cock burning in my pants. Oh holy shit I am hard. So incredibly hard. I look down at her doubtful brown eyes and see immediately that despite being in my head she doesnâ€™t know why I told her to stop. She pulls her hand away and shakes her head softly pulling back â€œIâ€™m sorryâ€¦â€

I groan and push my confined erection against her hard, craving friction and sensation real enough to make me come. â€œOh no you donâ€™t,â€ I pull her back as she attempts to pull away. â€œWhere those mineâ€¦or yours?â€ She is about to answer when I cut her off. â€œOh I Donâ€™t careâ€¦either way I consider those thoughts as good as promises.â€ I grind out, before my mouth claims hers again, hard and unyielding. I am not about to give her power to control me now, she wants to tease me and make me wait and I canâ€™t let that happen. I dominate her mouth on no uncertain terms. My tongue demands hers and my hands sink into her hair almost too hard. God I want to be inside her like Iâ€™ve never wanted anything in my life before, and somewhere in my mind I register the fact that if I donâ€™t slow down, and I mean now Iâ€™m gonna come before I even get the chance to be inside her. I groan and break away, my body encountering the hard planes of Jonâ€™s body behind me and I am suddenly all to conscience of the last image in my head.

Why would I want to imagine something, fantasize about the two amazing people when they are both right here, right here with me and so willing to do every fantasy Iâ€™ve ever had and apparently more. But right now, I remember that I want to taste Jon. To know and explore him like he is brand new territory. I turn, worked up and hot under my skin. Jonâ€™s lips are warm and soft but he is certainly not expecting the passion behind my touch. I grab for his shirt and yank the cloth over his head, only breaking our kiss when the fabric forcibly pushes us apart. I look up at him, his face is shocked and his eyes are on fire. I give him a short gruff laugh. â€œHold on indeedâ€¦you knew exactly what she was doing.â€

His little smirk is adorable, just that knowing little smile on his face as he shrugs his shoulders and steps back. â€œActually they were both your fantasies and hers, but as I suspected, you have a very dirty, dirty, mind my friend.â€ I feel like I want to growl as he takes a step back with that teasing smile a little wider. I suddenly rather do believe him on that one as I reach out and grab his belt pulling us together roughly into another kiss. His lips arenâ€™t nearly as hot as Tâ€™Polâ€™s in a sense of their temperature, but they are very very responsive. His tongue is against me, despite my aggression, and he is sucking on me softly, teeth grazing the muscle and his hands arenâ€™t idol either. His hands drop to my ass and grab with wide fingers. The pressure grinds my rock hard arousal against his, the fabric of our pants is scratchy but I donâ€™t care because in this moment I can feel him hard against me and I remember my goal vividly.

My hands are working at his belt before we even break our kiss, his hands wandering up my bare back and I am struck by the sweetness of his touch. I strip off his belt quickly and toss it to side. I watch Jonâ€™s eyes peek over my shoulder as he looks at the sultry woman still leaning against the counter. I push the man back to against the island and drop to my knees. I watch the manâ€™s eyes widen as he looks down at me, he did not expect me to do this. I smirk up at him as I unbutton his pants and pull down his zipper. Iâ€™ll be completely honest, I donâ€™t have any idea what Iâ€™m doing here. I watch the swollen length of Jonâ€™s arousal pressing against his underwear and can resist the urge to smile when I hear him whisper. â€œShitâ€¦â€

I lean forward and kiss his stomach, my lips and tongue starting hotly on his tight abs despite the slowness of my fingers as they peel down his cotton briefs. I glance up at him with the sudden quest for permission but I know I already have it. Heâ€™s staring at me with a mixture of excitement and surprise and I know exactly what his short breath is from; anticipation. His eyes are locked on me with rapt attention while his hands are tightly griping the countertop, knuckles turning white. I hesitate a moment as I expose him, looking down at the flesh that seems to swell at the very thought of me touching him. I feel myself smirking as my hands finish pushing the fabric down around the taller manâ€™s ankles and I run my fingers up his tone thighs. I can feel him shiver under my touch and I am suddenly struck by just how completely under my control he is.

I turn my attention down to the body in front of me and let one hand travel to the curly mess of hair, and wrap around the base of his length. Itâ€™s strange touching another man like this. But certainly not in a bad way. Heâ€™s hard and heâ€™s soft at the same time. His warm skin darkened with the influx of blood. I lean forward and give him a small lick across the tip of the swollen head and smile when I feel him twitch and hear him groan. I smirk to myself, in for a penny in for a pound. I lick my lips once before I dive in, never having been one for patience. I feel Jon buck against me when my mouth engulfs him, the sudden surge of heat and I am a little unprepared for the taste of him. â€œFuck Trip..â€ I hear him say as his head falls back and I swear his hands are about to break the counter top of the island he is leaning against.

He is thick and he is hard and I think I can feel his heartbeat him my mouth. The skin is soft and slippery over the hard core and I feel a rush of power as my tongue swirls slowly around his swollen head and his knees shake. I know how good it feels to have a mouth wrapped around me and although Iâ€™ve never done this before I do know what I like and I work toward sucking him as my hand twists and pulls. He is salty and musky and the skin tastes strong in my mouth and that is defiantly not a bad thing.

I glance up at him as his hands sink into my tussled hair and I relax as I feel him straining not to move. I can see him kissing the Vulcan woman, her hands holding him steady in his kiss. Itâ€™s not that Iâ€™m an attention hog or anything, but I do enjoy turning Jon into a puddle of goo. Itâ€™s a little awkward at first but I think Iâ€™m getting the hang of having so much in my mouth. I give him a long suck and tug back hard, inspiring him to break the kiss with the hot woman and let out a long sound that hitches in his throat as I pull back and give him another long lick along the underside of his jutting erection. â€œOhâ€¦damnâ€¦â€ He whispers, fingers tightening and nudging me back as I feel goosebumps run up his muscular thighs and his legs tremble under my hand.

I stand slowly without letting my hand leave his length and I listen to him groan in appreciation before claiming my mouth as I give him a few lazy strokes, refusing to let him calm down. I meet his lips with mine in a soft encounter and this time it is him who is passionately overloaded and driving into me with unmatched force. I break the kiss and whisper against his lips, voice deep and shivering. â€œYou tasteâ€¦goodâ€

Jonâ€™s breath comes against me in a harsh rush. â€œ..Damn Tripâ€¦are you trying to drive me crazy?â€

I smirk and give him a hard tug marveling as he visibly shivers, I love how responsive he is. â€œAs a matter of fact I find it quite fun.â€ Archer pants softly, eyes closing as he relaxes like putty against me and I can see that he is giving up on trying not to come. My hands are caressing him and trailing the line of each muscle I find myself enjoying how very easy the sounds flow from him, â€œhow can this not be fun Capâ€™inâ€¦â€ I speak aloud, making the rank he no longer holds as sexy as I can. I slid the hand still caressing him down to cup his sensitive flesh at the base of him and travel lower. He groans at the tease and his hand finds its way to gently caressing my crotch still tightly contained in my pants.

I pull back. It takes a lot to walk away. Heâ€™s naked, and I look down to appreciate him leaning up against the island counter, those toned muscles straining and his poor weeping erection jutting from between his tone legs and I smirk wide at him. He is frankly gorgeous, standing there and staring at me with those hot green eyes. He wants me and I know it and I feel like I am a slice of pecan pie just waiting on a plate with a side a whip cream. I know that if I donâ€™t turn around I eventually back into the other counter. The Vulcan standing next to him however is looking at me the same way. I feel like I want to blush, but I am far too aroused for that to happen, Iâ€™m already flushes and overheated. I feel her eyes picking me apart, her kissable lips slightly spread. â€œYou two are extremely hotâ€¦you know that?â€ I wait another moment letting my eyes trail down the womanâ€™s tightly clad figure. â€œKiss herâ€¦take off her clothes.â€

I see Jonâ€™s smirk at my uncharacteristic order and I am not sure what heâ€™s thinking, but I know that the Vulcan next to him does. She leans in to accept his kiss and I watch them with rapt interest. He wraps his arms around her, similarly to the way he held me as he grabs her ass and grinds her against his erection. His body undoubtedly begging to be touched and quite honestly I find myself wanting to touch him, touch her, touch them, but instead I let them stay for a moment, only a few feet in front of me, locked in a passionate embrace. They are so hot. I smirk to myself as his hands squeeze her bottom appreciating the swell of her flesh before sliding up the curve of her back and up her spine to settle at the juncture of her shoulder blades. He doesnâ€™t hesitate to move his sensual fingers up and hook his sensitive fingertips around the top of her zipper. Slow and steady I watch him pull down the closure and expose the woman sensual skin. I see his eyes open as he still kisses the woman in his arms, but now heâ€™s watching me through half lidded eyes, as I watch him undress the woman between us. God that is hot. I shift a little uncomfortable as my pants seem to tighten impossibly further.

I watch as halfway down the man slides one hand into her tight clothing and I watch him caress her skin. She is so amazing, the way she arches in his arms. Her skin looks soft under his touch and I find myself missing the feel of it. She is sexy as she stretches against him and she knows it. I wonder if she can hear it from my head, or Jonâ€™s or both. I watch her move her arms and help the man in front of her strip herself slowly of the skin tight clothing. Suddenly Jon canâ€™t possibly look at me anymore. Her skin is flush and tan looking as her graceful movements make her the object of every eye in the room.

I feel myself shiver as the fabric disappears to reveal the rest of her body. Itâ€™s beautiful and soft and I feel my heart patter at the sight of them together. They are both so gorgeous. I smile at them as I watch his hands roam her skin, and his mouth caress her neck sweetly. I hear Archerâ€™s aroused groan as she wraps her hand around his hardness and pumps him slowly. He whispers something to her and it makes her smile. I watch her give him a gentle and sensual kiss, and when she breaks it he looks entranced. Her serine back muscles tense and slowly move as she turns to look over her shoulder at me with her sultry eyes. Her hair long and soft flowing down her back. â€œHe is very turned on. Jonanthanâ€¦â€

I feel her burning in my mind, shivering over the connection and I feel a confidence I am not particularly attune to feeling in these matters. I push myself forward and turn the woman in Jonâ€™s arms toward me. Claiming her lips sweetly and showing her just how sexy I think she is. It doesnâ€™t take her long however to flip herself around and push in order to sandwich me once again in the middle of them. Somewhere in my mind I know I have just been bested. She baited me, brought me to her and trapped me between them. For some reason I am so okay with that. â€œI believe it would be inappropriate for us to continue to ignore Mr. Tucker, when he is so obviously in need of assistance.â€ Her hand descends over my tight pants and I jump at the sudden sensation.

â€œGot anything in mind?â€ I ask her with a smirk and a glance down at her breasts.

â€œI want to fuck youâ€¦â€ She whispered sliding forward and pressing those glorious swells of flesh against my chest. I feel my body shiver at the sound of those words on her lips and I am very okay with that idea.

I can feel Jonâ€™s body up against mine, hard and hot against my ass as his gruff voice reaches my ears â€œWhat a coincidenceâ€¦I want to fuck you tooâ€ and I suddenly feel very aware of the idea that I want that very very much. I groan my assent and rock my hips against the hardness behind me.

â€œHell yesâ€ I grind out as the deft and gentle fingers of the woman in front of me quickly removes the fastening of my pants and my breath starts to come at a faster pace.

I hear myself let out a strange strangle of a sound as she pulls me forward, pushing herself once again against the opposite counter as she shoves my pants down my legs. I step out of the fabric and kick it away as I push myself forward and toward her. Instead of descending on her mouth I reach down and hoist her by her thin waist and set her sensually curved body on the counter so I can stand between her spread legs and let my mouth cover one of her breasts. She tastes fantastic and despite her controlled demeanor the womanâ€™s body is wet and begging for me to touch her.

I canâ€™t take it anymore. The feel of her so unbelievably hot and wet around my fingers makes me want to come right there but I just canâ€™t let go, not until Iâ€™m buried inside that delicious heat.

I think Iâ€™m getting a hang of this connection because I hear her groan in response to my vivid thoughts. â€œPleaseâ€ she whispers struggling to pull me closer with her tone legs, I want to chuckle and hold back from her, but honestly I donâ€™t think I could tease myself that brutally.

I lean forward, releasing her breasts, from my worshiping mouth and remove my now wonderfully sticky fingers from her tightness.

Suddenly I canâ€™t resist the strong urge to lick that strong smelling musk off my digits I love the taste of her the moment it touches my tongue . It is almost spicy in my mouth and I suddenly think that despite the few times we did make love I never got a chance to taste her quite this intimately and in a flash, being insider her can wait just a moment longer.

I drop to my knees and ignore the cold jolt of the kitchen floor. My hands push her knees apart and I immediately dive between her legs. I smirk at the humor in Jonâ€™s voice as he comments on my actions. â€œHe always did have trouble keeping his mouth shutâ€¦â€

Now this Iâ€™ve done before, and yet she feels a little different than I remember in tasting a human woman. Her taste and smell are both strong as I lick her sweet fold between her legs. She is delicious and the pop of her hips comes slightly as a surprise. Did she really just buck into me?

I feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment as her fingers dig into my hair and I find her spot with my tongue. I know it is the right spot when a soft scream erupts form the Vulcanâ€™s throat. It feels like she didnâ€™t expect this at all. I devour her like a starving man. I never was one to be polite while eating. Her hips rocked into me as I let my fingers slip below my lips and through her folds to sink into her again. She seems almost tighter and I can feel her back and legs twitch with renewing tension.

Gasping softly she pants and those gripping fingers in my hair pull me closer. Her voice is a strangled whisper as it sinks from her in a rush. â€œTripâ€ My name on her lips is so hot that I drive my fingers up and suck again on her hot bud in a silent reward. I feel her tense again, winding tighter as the womanâ€™s body began to shake and I can feel her close to coming.

â€œPleaseâ€ She begs in a breathy whisper that I can barely hear with her thighs nearly clamping down on my ears. â€œTripâ€¦Pleaseâ€

I seem to know she isnâ€™t begging me to stop. I stand quickly and claim her lips in an easy motion. I taste her mouth and her flavor from between her legs at the same time as I grab her thighs and pull them forcefully toward me and wide apart. Her chest is almost heaving when it presses against mine and I feel like my heart is pounding harder than it can take.

I line up our hips and break the kiss to watch myself sink into her wet heat. I take a long breath and steady myself as I slowly push into her. â€œDear lord.â€ I hear myself whisper. She is tight. Ungodly in-humanly wonderfully tight. And hot. I know sheâ€™s hotter than a human body but when she is beautiful and naked in front of me I have a tendency to forget details like she isnâ€™t human.

I feel myself teetering as I take it slow with a ragged breath and bury myself completely to the hilt before I stop and just breathe.

Her swollen lips let out a long whimper pleading me again to move, but if I do I will explode far too soon. Thatâ€™s when I notice something that makes me jump. Jon. Iâ€™ve been so distracted Iâ€™d forgotten about him, but then I realize why I noticed him now- movement. Specifically I noticed him coming back into the room.

I wonder where he went until I hear the slurp of lubricant accompany the hot demand of his raspy voice. â€œHold stillâ€

I hold very still despite the wish to be pounding into the sweet willing flesh that grips me, instead I lean closer to the woman in my arms, leaning my forehead on hers and feeling her gentle hand stroke my cheek. I breath hard, finding it very difficult to control myself while buried balls deep in this hot alien woman.

I canâ€™t help the deep groan that comes out of me when the man behind me lays a firm cool hand on my back. The fingers trail lower and I already know what he wants and I want to give it to him. He is slow and soft and teasing as the massages the swell of my ass with slick fingers. I find my heart speeding up with the realization that Jonathan Archer, the man Iâ€™ve known for all intents and purposes forever, is about to put his fingers in my ass. Just as the thought hit me I feel the soft hand on the side of my face stroke me slowly and her kiss swollen lips seek out mine for reassuring contact.

Although I know itâ€™s coming and I am prepared for his touch it still makes my muscles jump when his coolly lubricated fingertips glide over the crack in my ass and I feel the sudden urge to pull away, especially when they ghosts over the puckered hole there. I feel him pull back a little and his lips descend on my shoulder. â€œWe donâ€™t have to do thisâ€¦â€ He tells me, breath heated and broken. Heâ€™s having trouble keeping control as well. He wants me and the thought is slightly intoxicating because I can feel the heat from his weeping cock and the hardness of it so close to the back of my thigh.

â€œFuck meâ€ I demand, voice hard as I push my hips back and drive them forward hard making the Vulcan woman on the counter throw her head back in a gasp of shock and pleasure. Just as I suspect when my ass pulls back it bumps into the hard flesh behind me and makes the older man groan audibly. He doesnâ€™t hesitate now to slip his fingers toward me and this time gently but efficiently seeking his goal. His long thick finger elegantly prods for entrance to my body and yet I feel myself tense with anticipation and natural apprehension. God damn my body. I want him to fuck me and for that I need to relax. As if Tâ€™Pol can hear me she threads her fingers into my short blonde hair and pulls me into a soft kiss. One hand slivers to my neck and rubs, her fingers deftly pressing into two spots there that I recognize from hours of nuro-pressure. I feel my body relax and I let it, taking a slow methodical breath.

I feel Jonâ€™s free hand on my hips gently press me down a little bending me over the woman infront of me, bending both of us over and at the same time his knee inside mine coaxing me to spread further. I lean on my hands spread on either side of the woman before of me and keep my lips in her relaxing kiss as I spread my legs open a little and bend myself forward a bit at his pressing hand on my spine, Iâ€™m bent over the woman before of me now, practically towering over her and I know that all I would have to do is give a nice hard thrust and I would be ramming her into the counter full force.

I am distracted however as I break the kiss in a startled gasp because Jonâ€™s finger finally pushed past the ring of muscle in my ass and is pushing inside me. It isnâ€™t a bad feeling, just strange. Iâ€™ve never been touched there before, and although I am certainly willing to explore in bed Iâ€™ve ju- HOLY FUCKING SHIT. My hips jerk uncontrolled for a second and my head spins. I know that I just said that out loud because I can heard Jon chuckle and Tâ€™Pol is smiling and I now realize my eyes are wide open and Iâ€™m farther above Tâ€™Pol then I was a second ago. Soâ€¦that is the prostate I assume as he strokes it again and I feel those soft heavenly hands coaxing me to relax.

It feels good, rocking through me in tight little waves and I canâ€™t help but dip my head and move with the slow rhythm. He pulls the finger out and in, out and in and I can hold still for that, well mostly still. But when he brushes that spot again and again, when he adds a second finger, that is when I find myself thrusting slowly into the woman under me. Heâ€™s moving those fingers and I can feel a slight burning as I stretch. The cool slickness of his fingers are burning me up as he adds another and he grabs hold of my hips stilling me. He wants me to hold still but now, only shallowly buried in the Vulcanâ€™s intense heat she takes it upon herself to move her arms back and lift up her own hips.

I am panting so hard now, my eyes glued to the wanton woman below of me as she arches and pushes herself up onto my throbbing cock in time with Jonâ€™s fingers slowlyâ€¦oh so slowly moving in my ass. â€œMoreâ€¦â€ I grind out and struggle to breathe as yet another finger begins to push me apart and the woman underneath me arches with a soft sound. Godâ€¦she is so hot and those fingers make it hard to think every time he brushes against me.

It seems to take forever, forever at such a slow inconsistent mind burning pace until his fingers leave me and as he does I find myself pulling back almost completely out of the woman tight wet heat in search of those wiggling digits. But they are gone and instead I feel the slippery hot head of Jonâ€™s arousal positioned to take its place. â€œRelaxâ€ He whispers, fingers on my hips and stroking my flesh gently as he very, very slowly pushes himself forward. I am panting, holding so completely still I can feel the tremble of my legs as he almost pops through the tight ring of muscle and slides in a little farther.

â€œYour so tight..â€ He tells me, voice breathless with the effort not to just drive into me and split me apart at his mercy. I take a few deep breaths, my back arching and my head falling back with my eyes screwed shut but I keep my eyes closed and tight. He is hard. No really hard. He is hot and slick andâ€¦hard. I know what a cock feels like in my hand and I know what his feels like in my mouth but somehow inside me it feels even harder, even hotter and even bigger than I ever imagined. It burns, and I wonâ€™t lie it kinda hurts, burst of slight pain as pushes in. Heâ€™s stretching me slowly as he works his way in, moving careful and slow and for once I really am okay with not making it fast as he inches deeper inside me. He changes his angle and I feel it happen a few times. It isnâ€™t till the ripple of pleasure bubbles up inside me and rockets up my spine that I realize he is positioning himself to get that delicious spot again.

Before I know it he is buried inside me, completely. Heâ€™s still for a moment before his hips push mine and with his balls tight to my ass he pushes me into the woman below me until I am pinned between them. Holy shit. I need a minute and they give it to me without being asked. I breathe but itâ€™s hard because my heart is pounding and the feeling of that throbbing hot cock spreading inside me kind of burns and kind of hurts and yet I am thankful as it pulls me back a little from the brink, I might last longer than two seconds, thank god. He eventually gives me a slow thrust, his cock presses against my prostate every time he moves and makes me want to scream but it doesnâ€™t help that the burning hot, impossibly tight woman before me is still wrapped so perfectly around my cock that I think Iâ€™m floating.

â€œOh fuckâ€ I say to no one and nothing in particular but somehow Jon knows that I only want more. As he pulls his hips back I feel like he is dragging me out of the womanâ€™s tight heat with the friction of his thick cock against my tight ass and I canâ€™t help but pant as he pushes back into me only to drive me farther into the wet warmth. I canâ€™t open my eyes. I canâ€™t think. I canâ€™t talk. Their hands are on me, Jonâ€™s steadying himself on my hips and Tâ€™Polâ€™s stroking me all over. I canâ€™t take it, not really, itâ€™s like there are a million bright lights ripping through my body and sending so much pleasure over me that itâ€™s painful.

I want more. So much more and yet Iâ€™m not even sure if I can handle what their doing to me now. I know that my hips are moving with him in his rhythm, bumping against his hips and I can feel the delicious slap of his balls against me. God damn it he can fuck me harder than that and I tell him so. Iâ€™m rewarded with his hips pounding into my tender ass and I know Iâ€™ll be so sore in the morning. I donâ€™t fucking care. I drive myself into the panting puddle of goo that used to be a woman and I canâ€™t take the idea of not slamming into her again and again and again. I want to do this forever.

I donâ€™t last long however. How long could I possibly last with my cock buried deep in such wonderful heat and that amazing man driving me crazy in my tight ass? Iâ€™m light headed when the knifing sensation slips up my lower back and my balls retreat up toward my body. My thrusts are sudden, hard and reactive as every muscle in my body tenses and whiteness explodes behind my eyes. Iâ€™m coming and Iâ€™m coming so hard that I canâ€™t think even remotely straight. I spill into her, all of me throbbing and draining into her tight body as it clenches tight around me and if Iâ€™m not mistaken that is her coming. To be honest I donâ€™t have enough wits about me to know for sure. I do know however, that in the following few moments of Jonâ€™s hot breath on my shoulder I become aware that my ass and thighs are very wet and heâ€™s going soft. Heâ€™s amazingly breathless and I wonder if I can stay standing at all, much less any support his weight against me.

Tâ€™Pol is breathless beneath me and her thighs are so very wet that although I wasnâ€™t really conscience enough to know if she came I am pretty sure she did. Her boneless arms stroke my muscular ones and I feel like they are turning to jelly under her touch. I want to say something sweet and romantic, but honestly Iâ€™m having enough trouble breathing as it is. Jonâ€™s body, slack and weakened stumbles back as he slides out of me and I feel my body shake with the sudden realization that Iâ€™m completely spent. I struggle not to lock my knees with the knowledge it may make me pass out.

â€œAre you going to pass out every timeâ€¦?â€ Archer asked with a soft chuckle in his voice, warm strong hands tight on my hips to keep me up.

â€œYou gonna blow my mind everytime?â€ I ask, feeling my world spin a little as I step back and feel the manâ€™s soft hands supporting me, as well as the womanâ€™s graceful fingers tightly holding me as well. Iâ€™m still struggling for breath as I try to make my brain start thinking again but I donâ€™t think it will anytime soon.

â€œMaybe we should move this someplace more comfortable.â€ Tâ€™Pol almost sounds composed and I am almost fooled if her thighs werenâ€™t still soaked in my cum and her body covered in a sweet little sheen of sweat, especially with her nipples still hard and her skin flushed from passion. Sheâ€™s not fooling anyone. Suddenly I realize that I have just had a mind blowing orgasm, something so amazing Iâ€™m not sure Iâ€™d ever even considered it before and now, and to top that this lovely woman in front of me wants me to take her to bed. Yet now it dawns on me I am such a horny bastard I donâ€™t even know where the bedroom is. I canâ€™t help cracking up. My laugh is purely driving the last of my breath from me and I see the Vulcanâ€™s confusion as see stares at me like Iâ€™m crazy. It only makes me want to laugh harder and I donâ€™t have the strength for it.

Jonâ€™s arms pull around me and slightly pulls me away from the confused goddess. I laugh softly and look up at him with a smirk. He seems to understand with a stifled chuckle. And I donâ€™t remember anything until Iâ€™m falling into their huge bed and collapsing with those two amazing people next to me. Tâ€™Polâ€™s naked body is so close to me that I cannot resist the urge to hold her. I pull the soft body languid with pleasure against me and capture her soft lips in a gentle touch. I canâ€™t resist the feeling spreading out from my chest. The feeling of love, of pure sweet completion at having her and even more at having both of them. I struggle to lift my head so I can peek around looking for my other lover and find him returning from what must be the bathroom with a small damp towel. He looks clean and I groan as he bends over and cleans my over sensitized flesh with an efficient swipe of the warm cloth while his mouth plunders mine in a mind spinning little motion.

I hear myself groan as he pulls away and then slips over the woman in my arms and claims her mouth as well, his hand disappearing between her legs and cleaning her with gentle attention. He gives her a soft smile in return as he gives his face a fleeting touch. There is something in it that reminds me of how long they have been together, how long they have loved one another without me. I feel their tender familiarity as Jon tosses the cloth aside and they roll in a move I can only describe as gracefully practiced until he is below her and she is on top, their limbs perfectly tangled in a sweet closeness and in a flash I remember them like this. I remember them like this in that bed on Denobula, hands extended to the other side of the bed, missing something, physically missing something and my heart lurches with the thought that in this moment, I fill that spot.

I feel Jonâ€™s hand reach out and pull my shoulders close while Tâ€™Polâ€™s manicured nails scrape softly over my hip and pull me too them. My chest constricts and I feel Jonâ€™s face bury in the top of my head. If I werenâ€™t so tired I think I might want to talk to them about this. Question just when they knew they wanted me, why they want me, how I could possibly compete with that they have with each other. But when Tâ€™Pol shifts and spreads herself over both of us her small head tucking under my chin and I am frankly enchanted by the feel of her soft hair spread over my naked body. I also know when to shut the fuck up and not ask questions. I donâ€™t care about what decisions they made when I was, for all intents and purposes dead, right now I am alive, and I want to spend as much time as I can living like this.


End file.
